Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 3095809 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32700 on: June 13, 2021, 12:30:09 PM »

According to The Gun Violence Archive database, more than 8700 people have died of gun violence in the US so far this year.

Who needs a pandemic?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32701 on: June 13, 2021, 05:27:14 PM »
Clap on, clap off lights are okay,

... unless they’re in a bedroom.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32702 on: June 13, 2021, 07:37:03 PM »
Jack, a renown atheist, dies and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself. Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith". Satan laughs and replies: Awh it's not so bad.
He then proceeds to escort Jack through a beautiful lush green plain with flowers, scattered here and there there's a bunch of houses where other "damned" live. As they pass through each house the inhabitants recognize Satan and invite them inside for a drink and a chat, a request that's always granted by the two. Every time they stop at a house Satan never fails to display how much of a lovely guy he really is by telling amazing stories, singing, cracking jokes and just generally being a great person. At sunset the devil sees that Jack is very tired and decides to show him the house he'll be spending the rest of eternity in.

As they walk to Jack's new house the two pass close to a huge wall and Jack asks: "What's behind there?" Satan: "Oh, nothing that should concern you, pay it no mind". Despite his curiosity Jack thought better not to bother Satan with further questions and just followed him to his new house where Satan promised he'd be back the following morning to show him the recreational centre before finally bidding him a goodnight after a long day. That night however Jack kept thinking back at the whole situation he was in and how surreal everything was until his thoughts eventually jumped to the wall he saw earlier in the day. After a few minutes trying to guess what could be there behind that wall that Satan couldn’t even tell him, he decided he should investigate, he took a deep breath and dived into the night, walking back to the place where the wall was.
Once there he searched for some clues until he saw some faint light coming from a spot in the wall; upon closer inspection he saw that there was a hole and the light was coming from behind the wall.
Jack took a deep breath and scrounged up the courage to look into the crack on the wall and what he saw was a spectacle much alike what he always thought hell would be. On the other side of the wall huge flames were scattered all over a burnt and scalding hot ground and much to his horror he saw other souls inside that nightmare being eternally burned and never consuming, screaming and pleading for help.
Jack rushed back into his place where he just quietly sobbed and cried all night for he was sure now that the Devil was just toying with him, to give him a bit of hope right before tossing him into eternal despair.

The following morning Satan showed up once again and told Jack to come with him. Jack pleaded: "PLEASE! PLEASE! Don't take me to hell, I'll do anything, just let me stay here; I don't wanna burn for all eternity!"
 Satan: "What are you talking about??? I'm just gonna show you the recreational centre like I told you yesterday".
Jack: "Don’t lie to me, I saw what was going on behind the giant wall!"
Satan: "Ooooh, you saw that? Don't worry about it, that's not for you, that's the Christian hell".
Jack: "The Christian hell? Why would the Christian hell be like that?"
Satan: "I don’t really know man, they just want it that way".
« Last Edit: June 13, 2021, 07:40:15 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32703 on: June 13, 2021, 07:42:54 PM »
Smallpox, the Spanish Flu, and the black death have already done the whole global pandemic thing...

What covid is doing is just plaguerism.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32704 on: June 13, 2021, 07:43:36 PM »
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
They don’t know the words.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32705 on: June 13, 2021, 07:45:59 PM »
A drunk man walks into the bar all messed up and says “Bartender, get me a drink quick!” The bartender says, “What’s your problem” The drunk mumbles, “Well I was standin on the corner, minding my business, all of a sudden, big truck came by and knocked my dong off into the gutter!” Bartender says, “Stupid, ain’t no truck knocked your dong off.” Drunk says “I swear to god! I picked it up, put it in my pocket, got it right here, see?” Bartender says “that ain’t ya thang, that’s just an old, soggy cigar.” Drunk says “sorry wrong pocket, here, see? Its my dong” Bartender says ”Stupid, that’s just another old cigar” Drunk man gets confused, then gets worried and frantically looks in all his pockets and yells “Oh ma god! I smoked my dong!”
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32706 on: June 13, 2021, 08:33:58 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32707 on: June 13, 2021, 08:36:44 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32708 on: June 13, 2021, 08:53:05 PM »
Bill was lying on his death bed. His faithful wife at his side, comforting him.
Bill weakly lifts his head and says "Honey, if this is it for me, I don't want you to be alone.
You should marry Jake, across the street"

"I can't even think of anything like that right now," she responds.
"But, Jake? I thought you hated him?"
"I do."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32709 on: June 13, 2021, 08:54:24 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32710 on: June 13, 2021, 08:57:07 PM »
If you drink that fluorescent liquid that's inside those party bracelets, you can predict the future.

My friend just drank 5 of them, and said he was going to die.

Sure enough, 2 hours later he was dead.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32711 on: June 13, 2021, 08:57:48 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32712 on: June 13, 2021, 11:35:17 PM »
A fathom is a unit of measure equal to 6 feet.

Therefore, a cluster of rally attendees not practicing social distancing could be deemed "unfathomable"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32713 on: June 14, 2021, 12:03:16 AM »
It took my wife six hours to push out our first child.

He’s 18, which is old enough to live by himself now.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32714 on: June 14, 2021, 12:12:45 AM »
The Wine Taster At An Old Vineyard Died.
A Homeless Guy, Looking Ragged And Dirty, Came To Apply. He Persuaded The Manager To Give Him A Try.

The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels." He said.

"Impressive," said the manager.

The man is given another. "Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vat.”

The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood, and brought out a glass of urine.
 
The drunkard tasted it and said. "It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32715 on: June 14, 2021, 12:20:46 AM »
COVID-19 deaths have proven one thing ...

Americans strive to be number one in everything!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32716 on: June 14, 2021, 03:29:21 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32717 on: June 14, 2021, 03:30:51 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32718 on: June 14, 2021, 05:01:06 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32719 on: June 14, 2021, 05:02:26 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32720 on: June 14, 2021, 05:10:53 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32721 on: June 14, 2021, 05:16:42 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32722 on: June 14, 2021, 09:10:04 AM »
The Russian doll that I got for my birthday has a terrible personality.

It’s absolutely full of itself.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32723 on: June 14, 2021, 09:10:57 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32724 on: June 14, 2021, 09:11:19 AM »
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