Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3054563 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33250 on:** June 22, 2021, 06:42:47 PM »

Blonde Cook Book

Monday

It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.
The neighbours were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

Tuesday

Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing.
So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper

Wednesday

A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice.
It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.

Thursday

Today Tom asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.
Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden..

Friday

I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Saturday

Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.

Sunday

Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius.. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast.
It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom.
If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33251 on:** June 22, 2021, 06:43:16 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33252 on:** June 22, 2021, 06:45:31 PM »

What’s Really in a Viagra pill

I knew it...... I just knew it! I knew that Pfizer would eventually release the formula for Viagra!

3% Vitamin E
2% Aspirin
2% Ibuprofen
1% Vitamin C
5% Spray Starch
87% Fix-A-Flat

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33253 on:** June 22, 2021, 06:45:55 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33254 on:** June 22, 2021, 08:00:46 PM »

Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque..

They've told the public not to panic, as they've managed to push it inside.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33255 on:** June 22, 2021, 08:06:23 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33256 on:** June 22, 2021, 08:11:39 PM »

Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake - both are in intensive care.

..One has a dodgy tikka and the other is in a korma.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33257 on:** June 22, 2021, 08:13:14 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33258 on:** June 22, 2021, 08:23:06 PM »

During last night's high winds, an African family were killed by a falling tree.

A spokesman for the Warragul Council said 'We didn't even know they were living up there?'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33259 on:** June 22, 2021, 08:42:16 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33260 on:** June 22, 2021, 08:50:44 PM »

Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crime watch is being shown 5 times a week now.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33261 on:** June 22, 2021, 08:55:18 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33262 on:** June 22, 2021, 08:55:59 PM »

Click on pic to enlarge for easier reading

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33263 on:** June 22, 2021, 10:25:36 PM »

I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me.
I mean, a ginger haired kid, with two friends?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33264 on:** June 22, 2021, 10:26:21 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33265 on:** June 22, 2021, 10:46:12 PM »

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33266 on:** June 22, 2021, 10:48:57 PM »

Indian Mystery revealed

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian High Commission in Canberra has recently revealed the true story..

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union..
On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he
has won:-
A - Taxi licence in Adelaide
B - Convenience store in Melbourne
C- Service station in Perth,
D- Kebab shop in Brisbane
E- Take away cafe in Sydney
If there is nothing there, he must take a job in India answering telephones,
giving technical advice to Telstra and Optus customers in Australia.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33267 on:** June 22, 2021, 10:50:20 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33268 on:** June 22, 2021, 10:52:09 PM »

A study found that the average Australian walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found that the average Australian drinks 22 gallons of beer a year.

That means the average Australian gets about 41 miles per gallon.

Bloody good value that!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33269 on:** June 22, 2021, 10:54:31 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33270 on:** June 22, 2021, 11:06:13 PM »

A 2007 study found that the average Australian walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found that the average Australian drinks 22 gallons of beer a year.

That means the average Australian gets about 41 miles per gallon.

Bloody good value that!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33271 on:** June 22, 2021, 11:06:56 PM »

NTRebel · « **Reply #33272 on:** June 22, 2021, 11:10:02 PM »

Better than our motor bikes eh Kev.

Quote from: Kev Murphy on June 22, 2021, 11:06:13 PM

A 2007 study found that the average Australian walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found that the average Australian drinks 22 gallons of beer a year.

That means the average Australian gets about 41 miles per gallon.

Bloody good value that!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33273 on:** June 23, 2021, 02:03:06 AM »

Hmmm, seems to be cat o'clock again?

I wonder if there is any way to reset these alarms?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33274 on:** June 23, 2021, 02:14:11 AM »

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3054563 times)