Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 692813 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32825 on: June 11, 2021, 11:56:37 PM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32826 on: June 12, 2021, 12:29:46 AM »
I'm a terrible golfer.

Just like my fore fathers.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32827 on: June 12, 2021, 12:32:43 AM »
Mrs. Collins went to see her doctor.
When he inquired about her complaint she replied that she suffered from a discharge.
He said: "Get undressed, Mrs. Collins, and lie down on the examining table."
She did, whereupon the doctor put on rubber gloves and began to massage her "private parts."
After a couple of minutes he asked: "How does that feel?"
"Wonderful !!!," she replied, "... But the discharge is from my ear."
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32828 on: June 12, 2021, 12:35:57 AM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32829 on: June 12, 2021, 02:10:10 AM »
An Indian family was forced from their home in Colorado by a passing tornado, and tried to get temporary accommodation in a nearby hotel in Denver. They were refused because they didn't have a reservation.

So they flew home to Bhopal.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32830 on: June 12, 2021, 02:11:08 AM »
Yes, it's time to feed the cats again... They woke me 5 minutes ago.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32831 on: June 12, 2021, 02:16:27 AM »
2020's fashion scene was really terrible.

So many people with no taste.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32832 on: June 12, 2021, 05:14:11 AM »
A man goes to see his Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asks, "What's wrong?" The man replies, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "Why do you think your wife is trying to poison you?" The man answers, repeating his suspicion: "I'm telling you, my wife is trying to poison me! What should I do??"

The Rabbi thinks for a minute, and then says--give me a week to get to the bottom of this, I'll call you back after I do. A week later, the Rabbi calls the man up and tells him: "well, I had a talk with your wife the other day. She was on the phone with me for 3 hours, non-stop... would you like my advice?"

The man says, "YES, PLEASE"... and the Rabbi answers, "take the poison."
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32833 on: June 12, 2021, 05:16:41 AM »
A guy gets into a terrible car accident.

Late in the night he finally regains consciousness.
He finds himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering him.
She gives him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he hears her slowly say "Im sorry but you may not feel anything from the waist down.
Somehow, he managed to mumble in reply "Can I feel your boobs, then?"
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32834 on: June 12, 2021, 05:19:55 AM »
I feel that next year is going to be as bad as last year.

Because 2022 is 2020, too
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32835 on: June 12, 2021, 05:21:12 AM »
My wife said, Why dont you stop with your bad jokes, and write a book instead?

I said, Thats .... a novel idea.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32836 on: June 12, 2021, 05:28:02 AM »
I was annoyed by so many people ringing my doorbell, so I disabled it.

Extremely satisfied with my new 'No Bell, Peace!'  Prize.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32837 on: June 12, 2021, 07:18:38 AM »
Americans have a terrible sense of humour.

I mean, their healthcare is a big joke, and most of them don't even get it.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32838 on: June 12, 2021, 07:24:57 AM »
In my lifetime, Ive done some horrible things for money.

... Like getting up early to go to work. ‬
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32839 on: June 12, 2021, 07:29:59 AM »
A man was praying to god for money and fame.

Another one comes and sneers at him, 'i always pray for honesty, modesty and other noble qualities in life'.

The man says 'One always asks for the things they don't have!'
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32840 on: June 12, 2021, 07:32:16 AM »
What do you call the Kardashian family taking a swim in the ocean?

Plastic pollution.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32841 on: June 12, 2021, 07:37:57 AM »
Teacher: "What are the biggest causes of air pollution?"

Student 1: "Gases released from vehicles like trucks and cars."

Student 2: "Factories that release gases like Co2 from burning fuels."

Student 3: "There are more than 7 and a half BILLION people living on earth, so that's more than a TRILLION farts released to the atmosphere every year."
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32842 on: June 12, 2021, 07:41:23 AM »
Its now 11 and a half years since I chose my favourite flavour of gum.


Retire-Mint
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32843 on: June 12, 2021, 07:42:49 AM »
Sensei, I need your advice.
I wish to live to be 100 years old.

- Then get married.

Will that make me live to 100 years?

- No, But the wish will fade away.

Thank you great master for your immense wisdom.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32844 on: June 12, 2021, 07:46:13 AM »
A man goes to see a doctor about a gas problem he's been having for awhile.

The doctor asks, "what's the trouble"?

The man say, "Well, I have this *frrrrt* gas problem. I can't go *braaaap* 10 minutes without *pffffftttt* farting."

The Doctor gets up from behind his desk and says, "I think I know the problem here", as he walks to the wall and grabs a long wooden pole with a small metal hook on the end.

The man terrified asks, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT?"

The doctor replies, "Well first of all, I'm gonna open a window".
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32845 on: June 12, 2021, 07:50:41 AM »
The invisible man and the invisible woman just had a son.

In all honesty, he's not much to look at.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Online ruSTynutz

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32846 on: June 12, 2021, 11:11:00 AM »
All safe down your way Russ?

Sorry for the late reply, Kev...Yeah, all good at home, no worries re flooding. We lost power so had to make do with a camp stove etc. It was supposedly going to be off until Sunday sometime so we decided to bugger off for a few days R&R....
Of course after making arrangements the power came back on in the early hours of thursday night...lol.
Thankfully that has saved our tropical fish though as they were starting to die when the water got cold.
Fingers crossed it stays on while we're away...  :thumbs
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32847 on: June 12, 2021, 11:38:12 AM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32848 on: June 12, 2021, 11:44:08 AM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960 
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #32849 on: June 12, 2021, 11:48:30 AM »
Of all the aspects of Tiger Woods golf game,
Nobody ever faulted his driving until recently....
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960