Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 3054562 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30550 on: May 08, 2021, 09:32:06 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30551 on: May 08, 2021, 09:33:58 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30552 on: May 08, 2021, 09:52:29 PM »
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious!
She stormed past the store to her work.

On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly ticked now.

The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and warned she would sue the store and kill the bird.
The store manager apologised profusely, and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work, the parrot called to her, "Hey lady?"
She paused and said, "Yes?"
The bird said, "You know."

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30553 on: May 08, 2021, 09:53:43 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30554 on: May 08, 2021, 09:54:34 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30555 on: May 08, 2021, 10:26:40 PM »
A woman wanted to know how her husband would react if she left him. She wrote him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. She put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.

When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialled a number.

His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting to someone. "Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes and then I will join you" he said. "As for the other half, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on her, and she left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and me had met earlier. See you soon, honey!" Then he hung up and walked out of the room.

Heartbroken she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter. Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet you clown! I am going out to buy some sticky cake, which I know you love, Be home again soon darling. Put some coffee on."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30556 on: May 08, 2021, 10:36:14 PM »
My wife found out I was cheating on her, after she found all the letters I was hiding!

She got mad at me, and said she will never play Scrabble with me again!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30557 on: May 08, 2021, 10:37:38 PM »
Everyone knows Alan Turing, who cracked Enigma codes.

But nobody knows his sister Kay, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30558 on: May 08, 2021, 10:38:54 PM »
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN,

You get them VERY ANGRY!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30559 on: May 08, 2021, 10:42:50 PM »
I am not a good cook.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction.

I get to the end and I think, 'Well, *that* isn't going to happen.'
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30560 on: May 08, 2021, 10:48:29 PM »
Recipes confuse me.

They all start with "Take a clean bowl..."

Awww, c'mon now ... be fair!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30561 on: May 08, 2021, 10:49:46 PM »
The difference between fiction and reality?

Fiction has to make sense.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30562 on: May 08, 2021, 10:54:12 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30563 on: May 08, 2021, 11:01:05 PM »
accidentally swallowed a bag of scrabble letters.

my next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30564 on: May 08, 2021, 11:03:50 PM »
Logical ...

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30565 on: May 08, 2021, 11:11:09 PM »
I tried to share a sandwich with a homeless guy today.

He said, "Bugger off! Get your own!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30566 on: May 08, 2021, 11:15:41 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30567 on: May 08, 2021, 11:29:19 PM »
I can't get into reading Chinese fiction.

There are just too many characters...
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30568 on: May 08, 2021, 11:56:29 PM »
I bought a chicken to make sandwiches...

Turns out it couldn't. It just make a lot of noise, and craps on the kitchen floor.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30569 on: May 09, 2021, 12:05:45 AM »
Doing a crossword puzzle I came across a clue “Part of the body where you might insert a plug. 3-Letters”

I was way off.

Turns out the correct answer is “EAR”.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30570 on: May 09, 2021, 12:08:42 AM »
There's a new fiction novel being released later this year.

It's called "The memoirs and Achievements of Trumps Presidency"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30571 on: May 09, 2021, 12:10:06 AM »
I heard you just bought a horse! What did you name it?”

“Mayo.”

“Mayo? Why Mayo?”

“Because he neighs.”
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30572 on: May 09, 2021, 12:20:45 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30573 on: May 09, 2021, 12:40:54 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30574 on: May 09, 2021, 12:41:18 AM »
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