Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)

[ruSTynutz]

[Kev Murphy]

On my jog today, I saw this little old lady talking to her cat. From her hand gestures and body language it was clear she thought the cat understood her.
I hope I never get that lonely and senile.
Anyway...I went home and told my dog about her.
We laughed and laughed..

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

Twin sisters in a Newfoundland nursing home were turning 100 years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the 100 year old twins.
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.

The deaf sister said to her twin "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!" said the other.

"Now get a little closer together" said the cameraman.
Again "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE".

So they wiggled up close to each other.

"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus the camera" said the photographer.
Yet again "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"

With a big grin, the deaf twin shouted out "OH LARD JESUS! BOTH OF US???? CAN I BE FIRST???"

[Kev Murphy]

A photographer goes to a haunted castle, determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween.

The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly, and poses for a snapshot.

The happy photographer later downloads his photos, and finds that the photos are underexposed, and completely blank.

**Moral of the story:**
The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.

[Kev Murphy]

Got a spare 45 seconds to watch this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOpV3XvHnGU

[Kev Murphy]

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[ruSTynutz]

AUNTY BARBARA

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment to get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer  and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat
of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken."

"What's the moral of that story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.


Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too but we raise chickens for the meat market.
One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is,
don't count your chickens before they've hatched."

"That was a fine story Sarah."

"Little Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunty Barbara...
Aunty Barbara was a flight engineer on a plane in the War and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory in South East Asia and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.
She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets.
Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.
And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay away from Aunty Barbara when she's pissed."

[Kev Murphy]

 

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[Kev Murphy]

Blast from the past ...



Water supply for the town of Whyalla was from this tank on top of the hill, with a tower added to provide pressure for local homes nearby on the hill. The tower had an internal ladder accessible through a locked door.

In 1972, Kentucky Fried Chicken opened their store west of this tower. A few weeks after opening, myself and a group of around 10 friends decided that the water tower looked similar to the KFC bucket. (A bucket of 15 pieces of chicken was $4.90 in those days)

Am unsure exactly whose idea this was, but we decided to paint the tower in the appropriate red and white coloured stripes.

With the aid of bolt cutters one night, we gained access to the tower, and with voice guidance from the ground to the guys on the roof with the long handled paint rollers, we made a pretty fair job of it, sans the picture of Colonel Sanders.
Our paint job was visible from many streets around the area.

Unfortunately, it only lasted for around a week or so, before the council removed our handiwork with the aid of bucket trucks. I cannot provide a photo of our handiwork, as the pics were in a photo album that disappeared when my first wife shot through just weeks after this event occurred.