Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3068662 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34700 on:** July 30, 2021, 04:33:31 PM »

God invent whiskey so the Irish would never rule the world.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34701 on:** July 30, 2021, 04:35:45 PM »

Why did Stalin wear knee length boots, while Lenin's were much shorter?

During Lenin's time, Russian pollution was only ankle deep.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34702 on:** July 30, 2021, 04:37:34 PM »

When Hugh Hefner died, did he really go to a better place?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34703 on:** July 30, 2021, 04:41:09 PM »

You know you are a blonde if you're think a lesbian is a person from the Middle East.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34704 on:** July 30, 2021, 04:44:18 PM »

A Mexican threw his wife over a cliff.

When the police officer asked him why he'd done it, he said, "Tequila! Tequila!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34705 on:** July 30, 2021, 04:46:41 PM »

A blonde stopped using the pill because it kept falling out...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34706 on:** July 30, 2021, 06:11:14 PM »

Overseas telemarketer call, right on 6 oclock tonight. I put the phone next to the bass speaker.

All he got for his trouble was an extremely loud, very bass rendition, of Patrick Hernandez "Born to be alive'

He held on for almost a minute before hanging up. Dunno if he tried to talk though, as I couldn't hear the phone over the thunderous speakers.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34707 on:** July 30, 2021, 08:03:10 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34708 on:** July 30, 2021, 09:36:34 PM »

A Mexican dude was taking a pee on the side of a building and this Texan sees him.
After the Mexican is done the Texan asks him, "How come you Mexicans don't wash your hands after you pee?"
The Mexican smiles, "Senor, we Mexicans don't piss on our hands..."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34709 on:** July 30, 2021, 09:40:08 PM »

The difference between blondes and traffic lights?

At least a third of the time, traffic lights tell you to stop.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34710 on:** July 30, 2021, 09:52:10 PM »

When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honour.
At the dinner table the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame de Gaulle. "Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and International scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"
"A penis," replied Madame de Gaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer... and no one knew what to say next.
Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said, "Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce zat word, 'appiness!'"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34711 on:** July 30, 2021, 09:55:38 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34712 on:** July 30, 2021, 11:19:28 PM »

Aren't we lucky that we don't have to use morse code for text messages!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34713 on:** July 30, 2021, 11:24:42 PM »

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their Ute.
The brunette was sitting up front with the man, and the blonde was in the back.
While driving across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge.
After the ute had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of the cab windows and surfaced.
A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the water, panting and breathless.
''Where have you been?'' asked the man.
''I can't believe you left me down there! I couldn't get the bloody tailgate to open!''