Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2924516 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30350 on: May 04, 2021, 10:14:59 PM »
A priest is buying a used lawnwoer

He inspects it and asks owner how does it start.
"Very simple, you pull the cord and if it doesn't start right away, keep pulling and start swearing."
The priest is shocked. "I'm a man of the cloth. I may have sworn when I was younger, but by now I've forgotten how."
"Oh don't worry" says the seller "after a couple of pulls, it will come back to you."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30351 on: May 04, 2021, 10:39:23 PM »
My buddy bought his wife some new vibrators for Mothers Day.

A washing machine, a dishwasher, and a lawnmower.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30352 on: May 04, 2021, 11:10:15 PM »
A couple, desperate to conceive a child, went to their priest and asked him to pray for them.
"I'm going on a sabbatical to Rome," he replied, "and while I'm there, I'll light a candle for you."
When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple's house and found the wife pregnant, busily attending to two sets of twins.
Elated, the priest asked her where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.
"He's gone to Rome, to blow that candle out" came the harried reply.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30353 on: May 05, 2021, 12:03:58 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30354 on: May 05, 2021, 12:04:17 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30355 on: May 05, 2021, 01:58:40 AM »
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius loop?

To get to the other ... errr ... ummm ... wait a minute ... ??

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30356 on: May 05, 2021, 03:24:02 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30357 on: May 05, 2021, 10:57:28 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30358 on: May 05, 2021, 10:59:27 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30359 on: May 05, 2021, 10:59:51 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30360 on: May 05, 2021, 11:00:53 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30361 on: May 05, 2021, 11:01:48 AM »
Social distancing gone mad?

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30362 on: May 05, 2021, 11:02:27 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30363 on: May 05, 2021, 11:03:21 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30364 on: May 05, 2021, 11:10:51 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30365 on: May 05, 2021, 11:11:23 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30367 on: May 05, 2021, 01:54:18 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30368 on: May 05, 2021, 04:15:15 PM »
I'm single.

I often think about my future wife, and how lax she's been about getting in touch with me.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30369 on: May 05, 2021, 04:29:07 PM »
I love my furniture!

Me and my recliner go way back
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30370 on: May 05, 2021, 04:31:00 PM »
A friend of mine works making furniture.

He fell into the upholstery machine. Had some minor injuries, but he's recovered now.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30371 on: May 05, 2021, 04:59:19 PM »
How do you determine the volume of a pizza?
Well, it’s basically a very flat cylinder. Let’s give it a random radius “z” and an arbitrary height “a”.

The volume of a cylinder is 3.14 x radius squared x height.

(Pi)(z)(z)(a)
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30372 on: May 05, 2021, 05:01:45 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30373 on: May 05, 2021, 05:06:00 PM »
I guess lane filtering is out?
(He's on L plates)

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30374 on: May 05, 2021, 05:57:22 PM »
The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."

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