Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2923895 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30775 on: May 11, 2021, 02:51:20 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30776 on: May 11, 2021, 03:00:22 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30777 on: May 11, 2021, 03:01:26 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30778 on: May 11, 2021, 03:02:11 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30779 on: May 11, 2021, 03:02:52 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30780 on: May 11, 2021, 03:07:21 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30781 on: May 11, 2021, 03:07:50 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30782 on: May 11, 2021, 03:08:09 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30783 on: May 11, 2021, 09:07:30 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30784 on: May 11, 2021, 10:15:48 AM »
I asked a tall dude “how’s the weather up there?”

He spat on me, and told me it’s raining.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30785 on: May 11, 2021, 10:18:53 AM »
A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned to the beach...
He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.

The dog spat out water and stood up— the lifesaver saved it.

"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"

"Vet? VET???" the German exclaimed, "I'M LITERALLY ZOAKING!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30786 on: May 11, 2021, 10:20:33 AM »
Two beggars sit outside a church in St. Petersburg in Tsarist Russia
Each has a hat on the ground in front of him. One of the beggars is wearing a cross around his neck and the other is clearly an old Jew.

When services are over, the doors of the church open, and the crowd of Russians walk out. One by one, the Russians spit on the old Jew and very deliberately drop a few rubles into the good Christian beggar's hat. By the time the last Russian has gone home, the Christian's hat is overflowing with coins, and the Jew is as broke as he was at the start of the day.

The priest walks out of the church, drops a ruble into the Christian beggar's hat, and looks at the old Jew with pity. He crouches down, and asks him "Why do you put yourself through this every week? You've been sitting here every week for years, and nobody ever gives you money. You get spat on relentlessly. Won't your own people take care of you?"

The old Jew looks up at the priest and then says to the Christian beggar, "Hey Moishe, look who wants to teach us how to run a business!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30787 on: May 11, 2021, 10:21:50 AM »
11:45 Arrive at the crime scene
11:45 Examine body, signs of a struggle
11:45 Found murder weapon in storm drain
11:45 Realize watch is broken
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30788 on: May 11, 2021, 10:23:16 AM »
A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree.
The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, 'Are you seriously hurt?'

'How should I know?' the man answers, 'I'm not a lawyer!'
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30789 on: May 11, 2021, 10:52:07 AM »
Irish Pub In Midtown Manhattan Is On Fire
An Irish pub on 32nd street caught fire one day. Smoke and flames were seen billowing out of the windows and threatening the nearby businesses. Firefighters arrived on the scene within 10 minutes but the fire had spread so rapidly from all the wood (and booze I suppose), and the building was completely engulfed in flames. It took them three hours to douse the fire completely.

After the smoke cleared a bit the Chief and a few investigators made their way in to survey the damage. When they made their way to the back of the dark tavern, they noticed what appeared to be...could it be? There were two old drunks sitting there just chatting away about the good old days back in the home country.

The chief approached the two, completely in shock that anyone could possibly be in there and alive, assuming all got out. He walked up to them in a daze, stunned by the fact that a person was inside the building that he just watched burn for three hours and asked: "Well, what happened? How did this fire start?:

Old drunk replied "Beats me, it was already burning when we got here"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30790 on: May 11, 2021, 11:48:43 AM »
I experimentally bought some 'almond' and some 'soy'  'milk'

After tasting it, I would prefer to eat live ants with my breakfast cereal, or put vinegar in my coffee.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30791 on: May 11, 2021, 11:56:25 AM »
Pure Profile surveys. Almost $28 for the past 10 days, will have $70 transferred to my bank in two weeks time.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30792 on: May 11, 2021, 12:06:23 PM »
According to official statistics, about 4,000 people a day are dying from coronavirus in India, and the death toll has reached almost 250,000.

India recorded more than 750,000 new cases over the past weekend, according to figures from Johns Hopkins University, bringing the cumulative total past 22 million.

But citing anecdotal evidence from crematoriums, many experts believe that the true daily number could be several times higher.

This is particularly the case now that the current surge has spread beyond major cities into rural areas, where hospitals are few and far between, and record-keeping is poor.
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Online ruSTynutz

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30793 on: May 11, 2021, 01:27:17 PM »
Pure Profile surveys. Almost $28 for the past 10 days, will have $70 transferred to my bank in two weeks time.



Great minds think alike, Kev...I had just taken a snapshot of my total with the intentions of posting it when I saw you had done the same thing... :thumbs

Anyways, it's been a great start to the month... :runyay



Another $70 due next week... :grin

Oh, and I have another $63 plus from Octopus... :thumbs


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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30794 on: May 11, 2021, 01:31:26 PM »
well done, Russ.  :thumb
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30795 on: May 11, 2021, 03:23:08 PM »
An elderly man is having difficulty keeping up with his wife any more
so he goes to see the doctor and is gone for most of the day.

When he gets home, he arrives in a chauffered Cadillac, and is resplendently turned out in pinstripe trousers, waistcoat, frock coat, top hat and spats. He has a gold pocket watch in the waistcoat, a gigantic cigar, and an ebony walking stick topped with a silver ram's head almost the size of a real one.

His wife takes one look at him and says, "Wilbur, for the land's sake, what have you got on?"

And he replies, "Marge, honey, the doctor told me I was impo'tant. And if I'm impo'tant, then I'm surely gonna look impo'tant!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30796 on: May 11, 2021, 03:33:13 PM »
I know it’s frustrating waiting for your COVID shot...

But just think of all the roofers who have never had the Shingles vaccine....
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30797 on: May 11, 2021, 03:36:12 PM »

I bumped into my old school teacher today, and we got talking about how he once said that I'd never amount to anything.

I showed him though.

I spat in his fries while making his order.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30798 on: May 11, 2021, 03:40:30 PM »
A man was talking with a doctor about the best material for a homemade mask

Man - "Doc, what is the best material to use for a homemade mask?"

Doctor- "If you must make one at home, I’d recommend an old shirt. Although buying a N95 would be the best."

Man- "What would be the worst thing to use?"

Doctor- "Obviously anything that would smother you. For example, plastic wrap, trash bag, or one even worse option would be a handkerchief from Bill Cosby’s house."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #30799 on: May 11, 2021, 03:55:08 PM »
The Capitol Police not fire any shots during the recent riots at the White House

They didn't know where to aim, because there were no black people.
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