Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 3059840 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34875 on: August 03, 2021, 10:33:44 AM »
???

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34876 on: August 03, 2021, 10:44:58 AM »
Christina Aguilera was banned from swimming in the ocean because she makes the fish stink.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34877 on: August 03, 2021, 10:49:09 AM »
ScoMo has a new fitness program to get people walking again.

Petrol @ at $1.85/litre

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34878 on: August 03, 2021, 12:09:52 PM »
Long Jump Foul at the Olympics.

It's called the 'Yoky-toe' foul.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34879 on: August 03, 2021, 12:51:07 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34880 on: August 03, 2021, 12:52:04 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34881 on: August 03, 2021, 12:53:17 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34882 on: August 03, 2021, 12:59:26 PM »
Obviously, has never watched the long jump at the Olympics.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34883 on: August 03, 2021, 01:01:30 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34884 on: August 03, 2021, 01:30:15 PM »
Oh, what a shame... according to an email, my Amazon order will not be sent until I provide further details of my bank account.

Never mind, I guess I just wont receive something that I never ordered from Amazon, anyway.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34885 on: August 03, 2021, 02:18:33 PM »
A world renowned doctor is asked to visit a local mental institute to ensure all the patients truly belonged there...
He is told he will visit three patients and will be supervised by the institutes owner. When he arrives he visits the first patient in his room and sees the patient defecating into his own hands and smearing it on the wall. He quickly turns towards the supervisor  and says “this man truly belongs here”.

Off they go to the second room where they see a woman yelling at her own reflection. She is screaming obscenities and threatening to kill the reflection. He quickly turns towards the supervisor  and says “this woman truly belongs here”.

When they visit the third and final room the doctor finds a man sitting at a desk scribbling intensely into a notepad. He asks the patient what he’s doing and he says “I’m writing a book on my life experiences”. The doctor is impressed and continues to watch the man for 30 more minutes. He eventually tells the institute owner he will need to come back next week and do some more observations.

The following week the doctor returns and visits the same three patients. Patient 1 is again covered in faeces while Patient 2 is still screaming. He visits the third patient and sees him still at the desk writing. The two have a conversation during which the doctor concludes to the owner: “I don’t think this man should be here. He’s functioning normally and in fact, writing a book!”  He states he will write a letter to the board and have him released as soon as possible.

Fast forward a few weeks and the third patient has been granted leave. The doctor himself shows up to welcome the man back into the real world. They shake hands and take pictures and before he leaves he requests one thing, “Do you think I can get a sneak peak of your book? It’s actually what made me believe in you after all”, he asks.
The patient hands him the book, and on the cover is written “How Horses Run”. The doctor is fascinated, so he thumbs through the book and on every page is written

*CLIP CLOP*

*CLIP CLOP*

*CLIP CLOP*

*CLIP CLOP*
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34886 on: August 03, 2021, 02:27:20 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34887 on: August 03, 2021, 02:28:15 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34888 on: August 03, 2021, 02:31:24 PM »
If a lawyer and a tax agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them,
... would you go to lunch, or read the newspaper?

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34889 on: August 03, 2021, 02:32:29 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34890 on: August 03, 2021, 03:14:58 PM »
KFC announced an addition to their menu in honour of Hurricane Katrina's victims.

New Orleans style chicken, served in a Bucket of Water.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34891 on: August 03, 2021, 03:19:09 PM »
A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains.
They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days.

An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds.
The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were OK?

"Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love".

The old man replied, "I thought so...but would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window?...they're choking my ducks!"

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34892 on: August 03, 2021, 03:48:22 PM »
Chilly outside. 7 degrees at 3.45pm, feels like 2.8 but at least the rain has stopped for the moment.
Gusty winds from the south west, 30 / 40 kph
Around 3mm in the gauge since 9am.
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Online Wild Rose

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34893 on: August 03, 2021, 04:11:15 PM »
ScoMo has a new fitness program to get people walking again.

Petrol @ at $1.85/litre
Kev I think you may be fibbing I just looked at petrol in Portland on PetrolSpy and it said $1.39.9 for 91
It is even down to $1.29.9 in places
Leo (Wild Rose)
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34894 on: August 03, 2021, 04:12:07 PM »
Purely a joke, Leo.  :thumb
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34895 on: August 03, 2021, 04:16:47 PM »
My buddy said he wants to be an Astro-nought ... He wants the Pfizer vaccine instead.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34896 on: August 03, 2021, 05:52:48 PM »
Chairman Mao was a keen rock climber who managed to scale all the top ten peaks of China. He commemorated his achievement by getting his ears pierced and adding 10 pieces of jewellery to represent each peak.
he was....(ahem)....MaoTenEarring.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34897 on: August 03, 2021, 05:54:25 PM »
My girlfriend is like an iPhone 12.

I wish I had an iPhone 12.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34898 on: August 03, 2021, 06:38:29 PM »
From tonights news.

Telstra has announced that calls from Public Telephones are now free, Australia wide.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #34899 on: August 03, 2021, 06:53:43 PM »
They made a movie "White Men Can't Jump" in the early 90s.

After Hurricane Katrina they are planning a remake, "Black Men Can't Swim".

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