Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3059842 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34950 on:** August 04, 2021, 04:43:48 PM »

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana.
I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so ... yeah".

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34951 on:** August 04, 2021, 04:45:27 PM »

Patient: "Doctor, I broke my arm in two places! "

Doctor: "Stay out of them places! "

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34952 on:** August 04, 2021, 05:43:42 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34953 on:** August 04, 2021, 05:52:44 PM »

Patient: "My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?"

Doctor: "I've got a shoebox around here somewhere?".

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34954 on:** August 04, 2021, 09:14:16 PM »

Had a really good start to this month with PureProfile online surveys, have been paid almost $42 in the past 3 days.
(No surveys available on weekends)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34955 on:** August 04, 2021, 09:22:41 PM »

Moustache Nicknames

Flavour Saver
Tea Strainer
Mouthbrow
Prison Pussy
Mr. Tickles
Whiskers
Bro-stache
Bristle Batons
Bro-merang
Crumb Catcher
Lip Shadow
Grass Grin
Cookie Duster
Nose Neighbour
Soup Strainer

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #34956 on:** August 04, 2021, 10:15:47 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34957 on:** August 04, 2021, 11:19:59 PM »

Picked up some nice extra surveys in the last 2 hours, good value for only 3 days.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34958 on:** August 05, 2021, 12:00:00 AM »

They said that the meals served on our flight were fit for a king.

"Here, King!! ... Here, Boy!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34959 on:** August 05, 2021, 01:39:45 AM »

A good percentage of my friends are Nazis.

That percentage is zero, and that’s a good percentage of Nazi friends to have.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34960 on:** August 05, 2021, 01:41:03 AM »

When you live alone, the only thing that wakes you up faster than a cold toilet seat ...

is a warm toilet seat?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34961 on:** August 05, 2021, 01:42:37 AM »

My buddy said he ran out of gas money this week, so I farted on his wallet.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34962 on:** August 05, 2021, 01:45:44 AM »

A man was told the local bank offers mortgages with low interest.

He entered the bank.

Man: "I’m here to find out about a mortgage"

Employee: "I don’t care what you're here for."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34963 on:** August 05, 2021, 01:47:33 AM »

In breaking news, Trump’s personal library has burned down.

The fire consumed both books, and in a tragic twist he hadn’t even finished colouring the second one.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34964 on:** August 05, 2021, 01:54:20 AM »

My friend is selling sells his award winning Doberman.

I asked why and he replied. "It attacked and killed my mother-in-law last week, and I don't need it anymore."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34965 on:** August 05, 2021, 02:02:41 AM »

There was an award ceremony for the laziest person in the world. Many lazy people came to the award show but nobody among them was awarded. Turns out the laziest person was too lazy to attend the award show.

So they went to the laziest persons house to give him the award in person. He was not in the house but on top of a tree in the garden. People were surprised as how the laziest person wasn’t too lazy to get on top of a tree.

They put up a ladder and climbed to interview him. They asked him “You’re so lazy, but how come you climbed the whole tree?”. He said “I didn’t know there was a seed in the ground where i was sitting”