OzSTOC
No Parking Zone! => Off Topic, Off Colour, and non-motorcycle related => Jokes, and Only Jokes => Topic started by: Wild Rose on July 04, 2018, 02:44:16 PM
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I was standing at the bar at the Casino one night, minding my own business.
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my ass and said,
"You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches...but, when you're Seventy...............who cares?
I went to the drug store and asked the clerk, "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
I said "Nah... She's pretty good looking...."
When you're Seventy.............who cares?
I was talking to a young woman in the Casino last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
Cost me a fat lip, but...when you're Seventy..............who cares?
I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...... try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling, she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the groin, but... when you're Seventy................who cares?
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you're Seventy...............who cares?
I went to the Casino last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but...when you're Seventy................who cares?
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:rockon
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:rofl ++ snagged and emailed... Thanks Leo. :grin
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Wow :like
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:clap I like brave people
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Had to go through all the above jokes and explain to my 'BETTER HALF' what they meant and why they are funny ! :rofl
She then locked the front door behind me when I went to take the rubbish bin out !!! :fp
Sense of humor ??? She's still working on that - I think/hope !!! o:)
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Had to go through all the above jokes and explain to my 'BETTER HALF' what they meant and why they are funny ! :rofl
Sometimes I have to do that too or end up saying "never mnd".
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Had to go through all the above jokes and explain to my 'BETTER HALF' what they meant and why they are funny ! :rofl
Sometimes I have to do that too or end up saying "never mnd".
Vietnamese women would NEVER let you get off the hook so easily !!!
Mine's highly educated - 2 Uni degrees & currently doing her 'Masters' ( International Business Law )
BUT, she still goes by the old, traditional punishment for a husband who 'strays - -
That involves one night when hubby gets drunk and goes to sleep, then out comes a very sharp kitchen knife -
and quite soon after that, the local dog in the street gets a nice, fresh, piece of meat !!! :eek
I don't drink, smoke, use drugs or 'stray' !!! I may be old - but I'm not stupid !!! o:)