Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

Little Johnny was complaining to his mom that he needs a new computer, because the graphics aren't as clear as his friend's.

His mom looked at the monitor and said that it'll take her 10 minutes to upgrade the computer.

Johnny laughed. Mom could barely change a light bulb, but she was going to upgrade his computer in 10 minutes!?

10 minutes later, Johnny couldn't believe it. The graphics were clearer than his friends computer!

"How did you do it?", he asked?

She said, "I cleaned your monitor".

[Kev Murphy]

I was in the dentists chair, and he said to me "Say Aaahh!"

I asked "Why?"

He said "because my dog died."

[Kev Murphy]

I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

Ah well, early tonight. Cats are fed, and I'm off to bed.

[Kev Murphy]

I went into a record shop, and asked “What have you got by The Doors?”

He said: “A bucket of sand and a fire extinguisher!”

[Kev Murphy]

Click on pic to enlarge for more detail.

[Kev Murphy]

I read a study the other day claiming that "humans eat more bananas than monkeys" which to me sounded a bit obvious.

I cant remember the last time I ever ate a monkey...?

[Kev Murphy]

Seems that last November, Trump suffered from a dose of 'Electile dysfunction'

[Kev Murphy]

It is impossible to spell 'advertisements' without semen between the tits.

[Kev Murphy]

"I read in my local newspaper, they had this advert, 'Please look after your neighbours in the cold weather during lockdown', and shall I tell you something about that?

I live next door to this 87-year-old woman, and do you know, not once has she come round to see if I'm OK?
Lazy cow hasn't even taken her milk in from the porch for a fortnight!"

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

I showed my grandfather some BDSM porn on his new computer.
He said, "I just don't understand you young whippersnappers."
I think he meant: "snapper whippers."

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

Another chilly day here, 11 degrees at 1.50pm but feels like 5, light intermittent showers with 1mm since 9am.
Had around 4mm overnight.

Nearest BOM site is around 8km inland from town at the airport, and their readings are in contrast to my own weather station.

[Kev Murphy]

Angus is a bit short of cash, so he decided to ring his friend Dougal to ask if he can borrow £10.

He reverses the phone call & Dougal accepts the charge.

Angus says: 'Can you lend me £10? & I'll pay you back'

Dougal says: 'I cant hear, You'll have to speak up'

Angus, this time a bit louder: 'I need to borrow £10'

Dougal replies: 'I still cant hear you, speak louder'

Angus talks louder again: 'I need to borrow £10!'

Dougal: 'This line is terrible, I still cant hear you'

Angus is practically screaming into the phone: 'I NEED TO BORROW £10!'

It's at this point the operator chips in & says: 'There's nothing wrong with the line, I can hear him just fine'

Dougal replies: 'In that case, why don't you lend him the £ 10?'