Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5863833 times)

Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35425 on: August 16, 2021, 05:34:02 PM »
Have picked up $85.40 so far this month in paid surveys from PureProfile.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35426 on: August 16, 2021, 05:37:08 PM »
The first digital sound was created when someone snapped their fingers.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35427 on: August 16, 2021, 05:38:00 PM »
I read this really intense book about a metal contraption that clips off parts of the body...

It was truly a nailbiter.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35428 on: August 16, 2021, 05:42:01 PM »
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Offline ruSTynutz

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35429 on: August 16, 2021, 06:32:30 PM »
Have picked up $85.40 so far this month in paid surveys from PureProfile.



Looks like you're smashing them, kev!

I've been very slack, with just $34 or so and around $10 on Octopus...

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35430 on: August 16, 2021, 06:58:35 PM »
After the invention of digital watches, the Swiss were in quite a bind...

Faced with what seemed like an existential threat to their national watch manufacturers, the Swiss Government send out pamphlets to foreign and domestic watch owners, asking them to sign up if they were interested in buying mechanical watches as gifts or fashion statements.

Unfortunately, no one signed up. The Swiss were mystified, until they realized their mistake:

No one wants to be on a government watch list.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35431 on: August 16, 2021, 07:00:02 PM »
I phoned 000, and told the guy that two guys had just broken into my house and stolen my CDs.

"Could you please give me a description of them?" the man asked.

"Certainly," I replied. "They're round plastic discs on which music or other digital information is stored."
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35432 on: August 16, 2021, 07:01:11 PM »
A Woman goes to the Optician for her annual eye test.

The Optician puts a contraption her face and asks her what can she see.

"I see empty airports, I see empty football grounds. I see closed theatres, closed pubs and closed restaurants"

"That's perfect" says the Optician "You've got 2020 vision"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35433 on: August 16, 2021, 07:34:06 PM »
I'm planning on having my favourite coffee tonight.

It's called 'A lot!'
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35434 on: August 16, 2021, 07:40:15 PM »
1st of December is World Aids Day_.

I don't think it'll ever be as popular as Christmas, tho'."

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35435 on: August 16, 2021, 07:53:49 PM »
A man in Moscow decides to take his own life.

He is tired of the constant ambivalence that permeates his daily interactions. He can no longer stand the contemptuous scorn of the plasticized women, the bullying bravado of dishonest men sneering from behind the tinted windows of their Mercedes-Benz.

Exhausted of hope, he walks the narrow sidewalk down the side of the roaring highway toward the Zhivopisny bridge, the tallest in Moscow.
Cars honk as they fly by. They hope to startle him, but he doesn't flinch. He trudges on, up the summit of the bridge ... and soon he is completely alone. The noise of the traffic has faded into the roar of the Moskva river below. He feels colder and lonelier than ever. He grabs the railing and shakily positions himself on the narrow concrete ledge.

"WAIT!" A woman's voice cuts through the frosty air. He turns around and is startled to see the street lamp illuminating a young girl, an angelic girl, with pale skin and silky, golden hair twirling around her face like a halo.

 For an instant his soul is warm again. "Were you going to jump?" She asks, softly, with no judgement in her voice.
 He nods, balefully, filled with shame, but also with the joy of finally having found another soul to confess his loneliness.

The girl hands him a burlap sack filled with kittens. "Be a dear, and take these with you."
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35436 on: August 16, 2021, 08:04:10 PM »
Where there's a will, -there's an unknown relative!

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35437 on: August 16, 2021, 09:05:06 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35438 on: August 16, 2021, 09:05:54 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35439 on: August 16, 2021, 09:06:24 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35440 on: August 16, 2021, 09:38:17 PM »
Lawyer's creed:

A man is innocent until proven broke.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35441 on: August 16, 2021, 09:39:40 PM »
Toy Story

I bet you Andy's Mom also has toys named Woody and Buzz.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35442 on: August 16, 2021, 09:44:11 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35443 on: August 16, 2021, 09:45:06 PM »
So, are Corona beer and Delta Airlines considering a name change?
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35444 on: August 16, 2021, 09:45:37 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35445 on: August 16, 2021, 11:37:41 PM »
A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars.
A billion! Three people, three people took a billion dollars.
What were they gonna do, start their own space program?
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35446 on: August 17, 2021, 12:06:55 AM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35447 on: August 17, 2021, 12:56:07 AM »
IT WASN'T MY FAULT

The ingenuity of drivers involved in accidents, in seeking to assert their innocence, or at least excuse their errors, is apparently inexhaustible, judging from this genuine selection of excerpts from insurance claims.

I consider that neither vehicle was to blame, but if either were to blame, it was the other one.

I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had been run over before.

One wheel went into the ditch, my feet jumped from the brake to the accelerator pedal, leaped across to the other side, and jammed into the trunk of a tree.

I collided with a stationary tram car coming the other way.

To avoid a collision, I ran into the other car.

The car had to turn sharper than was necessary, owing to an invisible truck.

After the accident, a working gentleman offered to be witness in my favour.

I collided with a stationary tree.

The other man altered his mind, so I had to run over him.

I told the other idiot what he was, and went on my way.

I can give no details of the accident, as I was somewhat concussed at the time.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

I blew my horn, but it would not work as it had been stolen.

I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian, and the old gentleman was taken to hospital, much regretting the circumstances.

I thought the side window was down, but it was up, as I found when I put my head through it.

A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.

A bull was standing nearby, and a fly must have tickled him, as he gored my car.

She suddenly saw me, lost her head, and we met.

A truck backed through my windscreen into my wife's face.

I ran into a shop window, and sustained injuries to my wife.

I misjudged a lady crossing the street.

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house, and collided with a tree I haven't got.

I left my car unattended for a minute, when by accident or design, it ran away.

The other car collided with mine, without giving any warning of its intentions.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35448 on: August 17, 2021, 07:18:37 AM »
I vacuumed two spiders, and now I'm afraid to turn the vacuum off.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35449 on: August 17, 2021, 07:23:57 AM »
I never have enough time to sleep.

Also, I never have enough time to play video games, because I have to sleep.
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