Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5863547 times)

Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35500 on: August 18, 2021, 08:29:34 AM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35501 on: August 18, 2021, 08:50:05 AM »
Poor shelf stocking by Sydney Woolworths. Herbs and spices?

Shoulda been in the python-pasties section.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35502 on: August 18, 2021, 08:55:27 AM »
An Indian shop owner is on his deathbed in hospital. His family comes to visit him as he his waking up from a deep sleep. He looks around the room in a daze and calls out to them.

"Padma, my beautiful wife, are you here?"
"Yes I am here my husband", she says

"Kajol, my daughter, are you here?"
"Yes I am here father", she says

"Suren, My son, are you here?"
"Yes I am here father", he says

"Well, if you are all here, then who is looking after the bloody shop?!" yells the father
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35503 on: August 18, 2021, 10:47:23 AM »
So finally, on about the fifteenth tee, I hit the drive of my life. And any of you people who play golf, you know the drive I'm talking about.

The minute you hit it, you just drop your club. You pick up your beer, let's don't get stupid.
And I watch this ball just go and go and . . . kind of hit this guy in the head.
And I felt bad, but he overreacted.
I thought. I mean, it wasn't like a square hit; it just kind of glanced off his head.

But he goes whippin' his car off the freeway, like "here we go!", Mr. Attitude!, and parks.

So now, he's barrelling down the fairway on foot, screaming at the top of his lungs at me, like "What are you, some kind of cruddy golfer?"
I'm like, "Hey, I hit you, didn't I? You were traveling at sixty-five miles an hour!
That's a pretty good shot in my book."
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35504 on: August 18, 2021, 10:50:09 AM »
Damn girl, are you a newspaper?

Because there’s a new issue about you every morning
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35505 on: August 18, 2021, 10:52:04 AM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35506 on: August 18, 2021, 01:13:26 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35507 on: August 18, 2021, 01:15:36 PM »
There are two things that determine the spread of coronavirus.

1. The density of the population
2. The density of the population
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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35508 on: August 18, 2021, 01:27:58 PM »
I have been sitting in this cold flat for so damn long, I think I have Polaroids!

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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35509 on: August 18, 2021, 01:29:58 PM »
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.

I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhh\fagkljn m,.nbziyoao78yglZTv8./7dfaoyuofaytdf
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35510 on: August 18, 2021, 01:36:34 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35511 on: August 18, 2021, 01:39:50 PM »
I slammed my hand in the door when I returned my rental car.
It Hertz like hell...
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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35512 on: August 18, 2021, 01:40:23 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35513 on: August 18, 2021, 01:52:57 PM »
An inquisitive cowboy ambled into a blacksmith shop and picked up a horseshoe without realizing it had recently come out of the forge.

Dropping it immediately, he shoved his burned hand into his pocket and tried to appear nonchalant.

“Kinda hot, ain’t it?” asked the blacksmith.

“Nope,” said the cowboy. “It just don’t take me long to look at a horseshoe.”
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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35514 on: August 18, 2021, 01:54:18 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35515 on: August 18, 2021, 02:11:06 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35516 on: August 18, 2021, 02:55:06 PM »
I got a new puppy. All it does it eat newspaper, and then a little while later, it poops newspaper.

It’s really cute. It’s little, round, and brown... with flecks of newspaper.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35517 on: August 18, 2021, 03:13:35 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35518 on: August 18, 2021, 03:15:54 PM »
A woman goes out shopping with her husband and spots a pair of boots she loves.
The husband says "No chance love, they're way too expensive."

Later on in bed, the wife is just falling asleep when the husband tries his luck and places his hand on her hip and then lower to her thigh.
She turns to him and says "No chance love, if you're not prepared to shoe the horse, then you sure as hell ain't riding it!"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35519 on: August 18, 2021, 03:18:02 PM »
I was out shopping with the wife when we came across a group of young ladies wearing mini skirts.

I said, “Ooh look at them legs! I bet you wish you had legs like them.”

She didn’t answer, but I think she was upset since I heard her sniffle as I wheeled her up the ramp to Walmart.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35520 on: August 18, 2021, 07:18:54 PM »
I found a video of girls slamming their butts together.

It’s kinda weird, but I think they’re just trying to make ends meet.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35521 on: August 18, 2021, 07:28:19 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35522 on: August 18, 2021, 07:46:14 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
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  • Posts: 101343
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35523 on: August 18, 2021, 09:06:57 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
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  • Posts: 101343
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35524 on: August 18, 2021, 09:07:30 PM »
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