Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5863254 times)

Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35525 on: August 18, 2021, 09:08:10 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35526 on: August 18, 2021, 09:11:17 PM »
Lot Of Strip Clubs in Florida...good grief...Florida has so many strip clubs, they need to change their state flag to a brass pole

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35527 on: August 18, 2021, 09:13:31 PM »
Some government workers are dedicated, and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire and collect their freebie benefits that they never contributed to.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35528 on: August 18, 2021, 09:15:18 PM »
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Offline ruSTynutz

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35529 on: August 18, 2021, 09:20:37 PM »
What's wrong with vacuuming the driveway??  :well

I've been known to do that myself... :whistle

  2005 Honda ST1300A
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35530 on: August 18, 2021, 09:45:42 PM »
If you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste.

When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of rap music.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35531 on: August 18, 2021, 10:07:03 PM »
An old lady walks into a sex shop. She looks around, and keeps looking.

Eventually she tells the clerk: “Show me that red one!”

He replied: “Umm, that’s the fire extinguisher”
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35532 on: August 18, 2021, 10:54:37 PM »
When someone close to you dies, move seats.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35533 on: August 18, 2021, 11:07:04 PM »
Customer to Asian car salesman.

Customer: "Cargo space?"

Salesman: "Car no do that. Car go road only."
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35534 on: August 18, 2021, 11:10:05 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35535 on: August 18, 2021, 11:30:42 PM »
I had just began to present my client's case in Court the other day when without warning the Judge slammed down his gavel, yelled "Guilty! ", and left the room.

Clearly he struggles with premature adjudication.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35536 on: August 19, 2021, 12:59:10 AM »
What's the difference between an ice hockey game, and a prize fight?

In a hockey game, the fights are real.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35537 on: August 19, 2021, 01:13:57 AM »
After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said,
"Let me see if I've got this right:
You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behaviour, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instil in them a love for learning.
You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.
You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a check book and apply for a job.
You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behaviour, and make sure that they all pass the state exams.
You want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.
You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.
You want me to do all this, and then you tell me.............. I CAN'T PRAY?"

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35538 on: August 19, 2021, 01:29:04 AM »
I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker.

I dropped my pants.

She dropped her price.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35539 on: August 19, 2021, 01:42:08 AM »
I went to my local sandwich shop, and asked for “A sub filled to the brim with cheese and baloney”

They linked me to this thread.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35540 on: August 19, 2021, 01:45:57 AM »
Three men are standing outside a jewellery shop looking at an expensive ring in the display window
The first man says, "That ring is perfect for Karen. I just wish I could afford it."

The second man says, "I was planning on proposing to Julie soon. She'd love that ring."

The third man says, "Okay, I'll make you both a deal. Whichever one of you gets to the bottom of the street first gets the ring at my expense. Deal?"

The men are thrilled at the offer and both agree. The third man counts down from 3 and they both set off down the street.

The third man then smashes the shop window and grabs the ring.

The shop owner comes out and says, "What the hell happened?!"

The man points to the two men running down the street and says, "Those two bastards running down the road just robbed you!"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35541 on: August 19, 2021, 03:30:13 AM »
A mother calls her son because she is having problems with her car. He comes over and asks what the problem is.

M: "I don't know why, but every  time I go to get groceries, by the time I get to the store there is this horrible smell in the car."

S: "Well let's drive to the store and let's see what the problem is."

They get in the car and they start to drive. She drives well over the speed limit, slams her brakes often, runs through 4 red lights and drifts around every corner. Then they finally make it to the store.

M: "There's that smell again! Do you smell it?"

S: "Smell it? I'M SITTING IN IT!"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35542 on: August 19, 2021, 03:32:11 AM »
I don't get no respect from my dog. He keeps barking at the front door.
He don't want to go out, he wants ME to leave.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35543 on: August 19, 2021, 03:43:01 AM »
The density of Saturn is so low that the whole planet would float on the water in your bath.
However, you wouldn’t want to try this experiment at home as it would leave a massive ring around the tub.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35544 on: August 19, 2021, 03:55:01 AM »
My dumb bro wanted to lose weight, so he ran 10 to 20 km a day for 2 months.

He's now somewhere up near Marree in S.A.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35545 on: August 19, 2021, 08:46:35 AM »
The only CD shop near my house sells nothing but old albums.

I guess there’s no hot singles in my area.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35546 on: August 19, 2021, 08:48:07 AM »
Chad and Karen are driving home from Thanksgiving.
After a gruelling time with the relatives, tensions are high when Karen suddenly points to a Starbucks and says she wants to stop for a latte.

Chad really wants to get home but pulls over anyway. Thirty slow minutes later she finally returns with her coffee.

Once back on the road, the car slams into a pothole just as Karen's taking a sip, and she spills coffee all over herself.

"Didn't you see that pothole?!" she screams.

"I hit it, didn't I?" he says.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35547 on: August 19, 2021, 08:59:51 AM »
A man by the name of Gotlieb called his Rabbi and said, "I know tonight is Kol Nidre, but tonight the Yankees start the playoffs. Rabbi, I'm a life long Yankee fan. "I've got to watch the Yankee game on TV".

The Rabbi responds, "Gotlieb, that's what VCR's are for!"

Gotlieb is surprised. "You mean I can tape Kol Nidre?"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35548 on: August 19, 2021, 09:15:17 AM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35549 on: August 19, 2021, 09:16:26 AM »
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