Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5861880 times)

Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36075 on: August 30, 2021, 07:22:41 PM »
I was asked why I took up downhill skiing?

I told them uphill skiing was far too difficult.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36076 on: August 30, 2021, 07:23:50 PM »
If you ever consider taking up cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36077 on: August 30, 2021, 07:28:10 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36078 on: August 30, 2021, 07:46:07 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36079 on: August 30, 2021, 08:20:34 PM »
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Online ruSTynutz

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36080 on: August 30, 2021, 10:49:04 PM »

  2005 Honda ST1300A
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36081 on: August 30, 2021, 11:48:50 PM »
Pure Profile has been a bit slow for the past week, but still a good result for this month.
Another 3 weeks before I can claim $70 from my account again.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36082 on: August 30, 2021, 11:50:42 PM »
Only one man has ever entered Parliament with honest intentions...

... Guy Fawkes.
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Offline Brock

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36083 on: August 30, 2021, 11:51:06 PM »
You dont have to actually do any surveys for a year Kev, just sit back and collect the cash
Brock
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36084 on: August 30, 2021, 11:54:03 PM »
Brock, I can still collect my $70 every 60 days for almost two and a half years, without doing a single survey.

 ;-* :thumbs
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36085 on: August 31, 2021, 12:05:13 AM »
I woke to news of a Hung Parliament.

Turns out it's not as good as it sounds.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36086 on: August 31, 2021, 12:07:43 AM »
I just recently bought a used car but I took it back 2 days later.

"This car is useless. It doesn't go past 60 up a hill."

"60 uphill is really good. What's wrong with that?"

"I live at 70."
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36087 on: August 31, 2021, 05:46:43 AM »
I glued a stick of RAM onto a boomerang, and threw it.

Boy o boy, will that bring back some memories!
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36088 on: August 31, 2021, 07:50:46 AM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36089 on: August 31, 2021, 12:38:42 PM »
Smartness runs in my family.

When I went to school, I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36090 on: August 31, 2021, 12:40:08 PM »
Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded.

Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36091 on: August 31, 2021, 01:22:00 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36092 on: August 31, 2021, 01:35:38 PM »
A man goes to the doctor complaining of abdominal pain.
While examining the man's abdomen, the doctor asks "Have you been doing any strenuous activity recently?"

"Well," the man replies, "I'm in the process of moving twelve pallets of cinder blocks for a shed I'm building."

"I see. Well, it looks like that's given you a pretty bad hernia. We'll need to perform surgery to patch you up."

---

So the man goes into surgery later that week. While he's in recovery, the doctor comes out to speak to the man's wife.

"Is everything okay with my husband?" she asks.

"Yes ma'am, he's recovering well. It's just..."

"Well, what is it?" the wife demands.

"Well, we've been trying this new surgery technique for hernias. It makes for a faster recovery but... in order to do it, we had to make your husband's penis two inches longer. I really hope this doesn't affect you negatively."

The wife scoffs. "Thanks, but I don't think it will affect us at all."

---

Three weeks later, the man goes back to the doctor for his post-op checkup.

"How are you feeling now?" the doctor asks.

"Doc, I couldn't be better. I feel like a new man."

"And how does everything feel... down there?"

"You know, I can't complain!"

The doctor is relieved. "Now, I would advise you not to move any more cinder blocks for another six weeks..."

"Oh, don't worry about that," the man said. "The day after the surgery, my wife called her tennis instructor, and he was generous enough to finish the job for me!"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36093 on: August 31, 2021, 02:25:49 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36094 on: August 31, 2021, 02:31:12 PM »
'SUP DUDE?

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36095 on: August 31, 2021, 04:24:26 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36096 on: August 31, 2021, 04:29:28 PM »
Still no word, worldwide, of any political figure dying from Covid, ... yet.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36097 on: August 31, 2021, 04:49:01 PM »
A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.


However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good- natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day.

So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked:

"O God, I honour you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"

And a great voice was heard from above:



"BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36098 on: August 31, 2021, 04:54:47 PM »
The wise hermit

A traveller made a long, arduous journey to find a hermit who was reputed to be wise. 
After searching the wilderness for many weeks, he finally found the old man in his hideaway. 
"Tell me about life," said the traveller.
"Well," said the hermit, "life is like a fish."

The traveller thought on this for a while, then asked the hermit, "How is life like a fish?"

The hermit sat silently, pondering the question.  Minutes turned to hours, as the sun moved across the sky and sank towards the horizon.  Finally, the hermit said, "Okay, maybe life isn't like a fish."
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36099 on: August 31, 2021, 04:55:59 PM »
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