Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)

[Kev Murphy]

Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school.
Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
"Wait just a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!; couldn't you show me the same courtesy?"

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

Honolulu, it's got everything.

Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

There's a topless lady ventriloquist

- Nobody has ever seen her lips move!

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

I'm in great mood tonight, because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite.

........ one jar.

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

I did this yesterday...

[Kev Murphy]

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit;

Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

[Kev Murphy]

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

I went to the paper shop today  - but it had blown away.

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

I bought some HP sauce the other day.

It's costing me 8 cents a month for the next 2 years.

[Kev Murphy]

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair.

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

[Kev Murphy]

And just like that, it's the weekend again already.

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]