Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5863572 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36375 on:** September 10, 2021, 06:42:14 AM »

I asked my wife, “Did you know there’s a fruit you can eat that provides your daily requirement of potassium?”

My wife: "That’s bananas."

Me : "I know. I don’t believe it either."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36376 on:** September 10, 2021, 09:24:22 AM »

Women should be obscene, and not heard.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36377 on:** September 10, 2021, 09:41:09 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36378 on:** September 10, 2021, 11:12:33 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36379 on:** September 10, 2021, 12:22:05 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36380 on:** September 10, 2021, 02:56:58 PM »

I have all the qualifications required to be a taxi driver in Melbourne.

I don't speak English, and I can't drive.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36381 on:** September 10, 2021, 03:00:22 PM »

What did DanPanic say to the press this morning?

... Who cares, anyway!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36382 on:** September 10, 2021, 04:32:01 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36383 on:** September 10, 2021, 04:35:38 PM »

What skill requires 30 percent arm strength, and 70 percent groan noises?

Tennis

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36384 on:** September 10, 2021, 04:37:57 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36385 on:** September 10, 2021, 05:41:51 PM »

Politicians should be required to dress like NASCAR drivers.

With patches all over their suits telling us who their “sponsors” are.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36386 on:** September 10, 2021, 05:47:04 PM »

A man complains to his wife about not having anyone to play golf with.
His wife said "Well what about your friend Clyde?"
The man replied "Would YOU play with someone who cheats on his score, and moves the ball when you aren't looking?"
"No, I guess not" replied his wife.
The man said...."Neither will Clyde"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36387 on:** September 10, 2021, 05:51:41 PM »

My wife and I have decided we don't want children.

We will tell them tomorrow morning.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36388 on:** September 10, 2021, 05:53:25 PM »

My wife asked me which of her friends I would want to have a threesome with.

Apparently I was only supposed to pick one.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36389 on:** September 10, 2021, 06:37:20 PM »

My tinder profile says I'm 6 feet, 2 inches, and 195 pounds, but the girls I match with are always furious when we meet.

I guess they don't realize those are three separate measurements.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36390 on:** September 10, 2021, 10:21:19 PM »

Last night in his speech, President Biden called for a complete overhaul of the tax code.

He said he was shocked to find out that some millionaires in this country were still paying taxes.

He also said it doesn't make any sense to raise taxes on the rich because rich people can figure out how to dodge taxes.

Then vice president Kamala Harris said 'Shut up! You're ruining everything.'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36391 on:** September 10, 2021, 10:31:47 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36392 on:** September 10, 2021, 10:35:53 PM »

I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36393 on:** September 10, 2021, 10:39:05 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36394 on:** September 10, 2021, 10:57:25 PM »

DanPanic should take up windsurfing.

That way even his hobby would depend on which way the wind blows.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36395 on:** September 10, 2021, 11:02:49 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36396 on:** September 10, 2021, 11:20:43 PM »

Was a great day today, reached 18 degrees.
11.15 pm, still 17.3 degrees, feels like 11.8, dead calm outside and an expected top tomorrow of 16.
Might go for a ride to Warrnambool to do some shopping tomorrow.

Edit:1.30am Its now 20.1 degrees but still feels like 11.7, slight breeze outside from the NNWest a 10 kph.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36397 on:** September 11, 2021, 12:09:06 AM »

"That's not a leak. That Harley's just marking it's territory."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36398 on:** September 11, 2021, 01:37:15 AM »

.... and now time to feed the pussycats and then bed for me. G'night, all.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36399 on:** September 11, 2021, 01:39:26 AM »

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5863572 times)