Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5863821 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36404 on:** September 11, 2021, 05:38:41 AM »

If Men TRULY Ran The World...

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.

St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

Garbage would take itself out.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36405 on:** September 11, 2021, 05:39:29 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36406 on:** September 11, 2021, 05:40:51 AM »

Boobs are like the sun.

You can only stare at ‘em for a very short time.
But if you wear sunglasses, you can stare at ‘em as much as you want.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36407 on:** September 11, 2021, 05:43:45 AM »

After my prostate exam, the doctor walked out and the nurse walked in.

Then she asked me something no man ever wants to hear..

"Who was that?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36408 on:** September 11, 2021, 05:44:12 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36409 on:** September 11, 2021, 05:45:43 AM »

Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"

Me: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36410 on:** September 11, 2021, 01:47:24 PM »

Home again after leaving the house at around 8am this morning. A bit windy out there, but dry with sunny breaks. Not much traffic on the roads which gave me plenty of headspace and freedom to enjoy my ride.

Having been in lockdown for so long, it was a great relief to be able to actually 'GO' somewhere. First stop was at Warrnambool where I had 40 minutes to cruise the shelves at Bunnings for a couple of items, and then back into the saddle for a devious route home again via Penshurst, Hamilton, and then Casterton for a cuppa with friends before heading home, it made a round trip of just over 370 km for the morning. Not a long trip, but greatly enjoyed.

Arrived home just a few minutes after 1 pm.

Bike seemed to be heavy on fuel today, after getting over 4 weeks to the litre for the past month or so ....?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36411 on:** September 11, 2021, 01:51:36 PM »

If men ruled the world, when your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36412 on:** September 11, 2021, 01:53:20 PM »

Nice try pup, but fail.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36413 on:** September 11, 2021, 01:54:25 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36414 on:** September 11, 2021, 02:01:55 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36415 on:** September 11, 2021, 02:02:36 PM »

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #36416 on:** September 11, 2021, 02:27:14 PM »

Saw that one earlier, Kev!

As in this morning...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36417 on:** September 11, 2021, 03:24:17 PM »

Told my wife I want to be cremated.

She made me an appointment for next Tuesday.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36418 on:** September 11, 2021, 03:25:06 PM »

I always wanted to be a Gregorian monk...

...but I was never given the chants.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36419 on:** September 11, 2021, 03:28:39 PM »

NEWS FLASH!

The Worldwide News Network has reported yet another US bomb has gone astray, striking the only brothel in Kabul and killing all seven camels!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36420 on:** September 11, 2021, 03:30:45 PM »

An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland.
They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.
The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.

When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded:
"Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes.
Just what are you going to do to punish me?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36421 on:** September 11, 2021, 03:39:29 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36422 on:** September 11, 2021, 04:12:38 PM »

Just discovered something novel.... My kitty Harper likes to eat chocolate chip cup cakes!

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #36423 on:** September 11, 2021, 05:47:51 PM »

Not too much I hope, Kev?

Apparently chocolate is a no no for cats...

https://www.hillspet.com.au/cat-care/nutrition-feeding/is-chocolate-bad-for-cats

I might just nick off up to the supermarket to get Shelley some...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36424 on:** September 11, 2021, 05:53:30 PM »

Was only a couple of crumb scraps that fell on the floor, Russ

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5863821 times)