Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5863846 times)

Offline ruSTynutz

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36425 on: September 11, 2021, 06:22:53 PM »
I was thinkin' a whole block for Shelley... :grin

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36426 on: September 11, 2021, 06:25:50 PM »
Meany!  :grin
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36427 on: September 11, 2021, 06:26:47 PM »
The other day, I was on my bike, and I got stuck behind a school bus.
Now, I don't know if you've been stuck behind a school bus before, but once you're there, you're stuck.
I've passed kidney stones quicker than you can get around a school bus.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36428 on: September 11, 2021, 07:33:44 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36429 on: September 11, 2021, 07:42:23 PM »
The end of another nice day, the rain started 5 minutes ago.

7.40pm, 11 degrees, feels like 4.2 Westerly winds of 42kph.


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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36430 on: September 11, 2021, 07:43:04 PM »
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Offline Brock

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36431 on: September 11, 2021, 07:46:59 PM »
Quote
Just discovered something novel.... My kitty Harper likes to eat chocolate chip cup cakes!

My daughter discovered one day that Pancake (the Pug) had eaten most a packet of TimTams. As we all know, chocolates isnt good for dogs, quite often kills them. Pancake was raced off to the vet for a check, only to find a slightly elevated heart rate that was all.. Good thing Pancake didnt know all that chocolate was deadly. She also likes garlic and onions, also supposedly not great for dogs..
Brock
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36432 on: September 11, 2021, 07:51:40 PM »

Doctor Cohen comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it, but we now have the technology to build a new penis."

The man, Max, groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1,000 an inch."

The man perks up. So, the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

Max agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have," says Max. "We're getting new granite counter tops for the kitchen.”
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36433 on: September 11, 2021, 08:07:13 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36434 on: September 11, 2021, 08:20:03 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36435 on: September 11, 2021, 08:58:01 PM »
One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another.
This goes on for a half an hour and the bartender gets worried. "What's the matter?" the bartender asks.
"My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole month."
After thinking it over in a reassuring tone, the bartender asked. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?".
"Yeah, except that today is the last day."

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36436 on: September 11, 2021, 09:01:31 PM »
"You are a cheat!" shouted an attorney to his opponent. "And you're a liar!" bellowed his opposition.
Banging his gavel adamantly, the judge interjected, "Now that both attorneys have been identified for the record, let's get on with the case."

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36437 on: September 11, 2021, 09:02:54 PM »
Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.
They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.

Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.

"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"

Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.

The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.

"I've got it!" he cries, "I want a MEATIER shower!"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36438 on: September 11, 2021, 10:17:23 PM »
A drunk guy walks into a bar and approaches the bartender, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?"
"I'm sorry sir?" the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?" "I've no idea," replies the guy, "I went to see my doctor last week, and he told me that I should drink less."

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36439 on: September 11, 2021, 10:25:15 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36440 on: September 11, 2021, 10:27:03 PM »
My mom always wanted to name her kids with the 4 same letters.

There's my two sisters Lana and Nala, and then there's me...








Alan.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36441 on: September 11, 2021, 10:34:56 PM »
A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand, and a squirrel in the other.

"Now Listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor creature, I shall personally do to you"

"In that case," said the boy. "I'll kiss it's butt and let it go"

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36442 on: September 11, 2021, 10:35:29 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36443 on: September 11, 2021, 10:45:04 PM »
I saw a homeless man the other day, and I had some money on me. I wanted to be conservative with it.

So I told him to go get a job.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36444 on: September 11, 2021, 10:47:36 PM »
Patient: “Doctor I think my eye sight is deteriorating. I cant see very far”


Doctor: “Really? Come over to the window. Now, what is that big round yellow thing in the sky?”


Patient: “Well, that's the sun of course.”


Doctor: “Yep! So how much bloody further do you want to see?”
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36445 on: September 11, 2021, 10:48:23 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36446 on: September 11, 2021, 11:13:29 PM »
A mathematician wants more excitement, and wants to become a volunteer fireman on the weekends
He goes through the training, and proceeds to take the written final exam.

Question 1: You come across a car that is flipped upside down and on fire, with the driver still in it. What do you do?

The mathematician answers with the steps he was taught in training.


Question 2: You come across a car that is flipped upside down with the driver still in it. What do you do?

The mathematician answers, Set the car on fire. Now it is a solved problem as per the last answer.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36447 on: September 11, 2021, 11:23:24 PM »
Portland 11.15 pm, temp is now 10 degrees, feels like 2 degrees. Had 5.3mm of rain this evening.
5 to 10mm expected tomorrow with a top of maybe 12.

Good thing I snuck out for a ride today.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36448 on: September 11, 2021, 11:29:13 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36449 on: September 11, 2021, 11:29:52 PM »
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