Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5863979 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36450 on:** September 11, 2021, 11:33:27 PM »

Something that a Barman has never heard from a customer.

"No, I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36451 on:** September 11, 2021, 11:38:57 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36452 on:** September 11, 2021, 11:54:59 PM »

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him.
"What'll you have?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied.
So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's, and threw his down in one shot.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36453 on:** September 12, 2021, 12:57:33 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36454 on:** September 12, 2021, 01:12:53 AM »

"You can't be thirsty again already? You had a drink just 3 weeks ago!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36455 on:** September 12, 2021, 02:02:54 AM »

2.05am, cats fed, time for bed. 'Night all.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36456 on:** September 12, 2021, 04:20:37 AM »

Should a woman have a baby after 35?

HELL NO!, 35 children is way too many already!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36457 on:** September 12, 2021, 04:23:20 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36458 on:** September 12, 2021, 04:28:00 AM »

After hurricane Ida two weeks ago, the Mayor of New Orleans has denied cancelling Mardi Gras this year .

In fact he said "I expect a record number of floats on Main St!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36459 on:** September 12, 2021, 04:30:57 AM »

"Our twins were born last week, Doctor... When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?"

"When the kids are in college."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36460 on:** September 12, 2021, 04:38:18 AM »

Just a Panda, playing with his balls.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36461 on:** September 12, 2021, 04:41:48 AM »

The dentist asked, "What kind of filling do you want?"

The child answered, "Chocolate!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36462 on:** September 12, 2021, 04:43:37 AM »

A woman wants to divorce her husband, so she is talking to her lawyer.

Lawyer: "Well first we need a reason, is he not giving you money?"

Woman: "If he hides as much as a dollar from me, I'm not cooking for him for three days straight."

Lawyer: "Well is he beating you?"

Woman: "Him? I'd throw him through the window, with my left hand only"

Lawyer: "How about being faithful?"

Women: "That's where we got him! The second child is not his!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36463 on:** September 12, 2021, 04:46:01 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36464 on:** September 12, 2021, 05:07:14 AM »

"You think so much of your damn golf game, that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife.

"Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day before I sank that thirty-foot putt!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36465 on:** September 12, 2021, 11:45:31 AM »

Another grey morning here in Portland.
11.30am, dead calm, 9 degrees feels like 7, and had 2.5mm of rain since 9am. Seems to have cleared at present.
Just a lazy Sunday.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36466 on:** September 12, 2021, 11:46:13 AM »

The doctor must have put my pacemaker in wrong.

Every time my wife kisses me, the garage door goes up.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36467 on:** September 12, 2021, 11:48:20 AM »

A survey, proving Facebook users have lower grades than non-users, is pointless.

Because Facebook users tell everyone how stupid they are with their status updates on a daily basis!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36468 on:** September 12, 2021, 11:51:38 AM »

Him: "I want your face to be the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see before falling asleep"

Her: "Oh my God! Are you proposing?"

"What? HELL NO! ... Just setting your photo as my phone wallpaper. Geez!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36469 on:** September 12, 2021, 12:02:42 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36470 on:** September 12, 2021, 12:05:35 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36471 on:** September 12, 2021, 12:13:02 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36472 on:** September 12, 2021, 12:34:27 PM »

Portland, 12.30pm. Those 'passing' grey clouds have now started leaking again....

Almost as bad as lockdown, can't go anywhere.

I think I will go back to bed, i's warmer there.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36473 on:** September 12, 2021, 03:20:18 PM »

3.20pm, 10 degrees but feels like 4.5. almost 4mm of rain in the gauge since 9am.
Uniform dark grey sky with a hole in it at the moment, allowing the sunshine through.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36474 on:** September 12, 2021, 03:33:39 PM »

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5863979 times)