Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5864901 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36651 on:** September 17, 2021, 04:55:09 PM »

I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant.

If you went to bed with her, would that technically count as a threesome?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36652 on:** September 17, 2021, 04:56:29 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36653 on:** September 17, 2021, 04:57:04 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36654 on:** September 17, 2021, 04:57:43 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36655 on:** September 17, 2021, 05:06:33 PM »

What's the difference between the PM and a mosquito?

One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36656 on:** September 17, 2021, 05:08:01 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36657 on:** September 17, 2021, 05:31:39 PM »

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out.

When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36658 on:** September 17, 2021, 05:39:32 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36659 on:** September 17, 2021, 06:04:13 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36660 on:** September 17, 2021, 06:06:38 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36661 on:** September 17, 2021, 06:08:10 PM »

A friend of mine once sent me a postcard with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space.

On the back it said 'Wish you were here.'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36662 on:** September 17, 2021, 06:34:59 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36663 on:** September 17, 2021, 06:38:53 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36664 on:** September 17, 2021, 06:42:31 PM »

I made a recording of a busy signal.

Now when I get 'overseas' calls on my home phone, I play it.

Used it twice today.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36665 on:** September 17, 2021, 07:49:22 PM »

A blonde went to a drive-in in a taxi cab.

The movie cost her $95, plus entry ticket.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36666 on:** September 17, 2021, 07:51:18 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36667 on:** September 17, 2021, 08:38:47 PM »

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36668 on:** September 17, 2021, 08:40:05 PM »

I have a decaffeinated coffee table.

You'd never know it, just to look at it.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36669 on:** September 17, 2021, 08:46:15 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36670 on:** September 17, 2021, 08:46:47 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36671 on:** September 17, 2021, 08:48:20 PM »

A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, "Why were you going so fast?"
I said, "See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36672 on:** September 17, 2021, 08:52:51 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36673 on:** September 17, 2021, 09:05:27 PM »

The other day somebody stole everything in my apartment and replaced it with an exact replica...

When my roommate came home I said, "Roommate, someone stole everything in our apartment, and replaced it with an exact replica."

He looked at me and said, "Do I know you?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #36674 on:** September 17, 2021, 09:06:56 PM »

Ever notice how irons have a setting for PERMANENT press? I don't get it...

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5864901 times)