Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, Mk III. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 541944 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8025 on:** July 02, 2025, 04:21:07 PM »

A committee is a group of people that keeps minutes but loses hours.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8026 on:** July 02, 2025, 04:53:13 PM »

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8027 on:** July 02, 2025, 05:42:10 PM »

My doctor told me that jogging daily could add years to my life.
I think he was right. After two days I feel ten years older already.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8028 on:** July 02, 2025, 06:12:28 PM »

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford.
... Then I want to move in with them.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8029 on:** July 02, 2025, 06:55:19 PM »

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8030 on:** July 02, 2025, 07:50:39 PM »

When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8031 on:** July 02, 2025, 08:03:19 PM »

When I eventually met Mrs. Right I had no idea that her first name was Always.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8032 on:** July 02, 2025, 09:38:07 PM »

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8033 on:** July 02, 2025, 10:32:08 PM »

Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8034 on:** July 03, 2025, 12:19:10 AM »

Sports are the reason I am out of shape.
I watch them all on TV.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8035 on:** July 03, 2025, 12:20:51 AM »

If your parents never had children, chances are… neither will you.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8036 on:** July 03, 2025, 04:42:53 AM »

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot.
The guy who invented the other three was the true genius.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8037 on:** July 03, 2025, 05:11:41 AM »

Love conquers all.... except poverty and toothache.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8038 on:** July 03, 2025, 05:47:09 AM »

A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8039 on:** July 03, 2025, 08:35:43 AM »

I think it’s interesting that cologne rhymes with alone.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8040 on:** July 03, 2025, 10:27:47 AM »

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8041 on:** July 03, 2025, 11:07:37 AM »

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8042 on:** July 03, 2025, 11:40:12 AM »

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8043 on:** July 03, 2025, 01:57:23 PM »

I thought talk was cheap, until I saw my telephone bill.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8044 on:** July 03, 2025, 03:26:21 PM »

Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8045 on:** July 03, 2025, 03:52:54 PM »

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8046 on:** July 03, 2025, 04:18:12 PM »

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President.
I’m beginning to believe it.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8047 on:** July 03, 2025, 06:15:46 PM »

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8048 on:** July 03, 2025, 06:38:42 PM »

I used to jog daily, but my beer kept spilling.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8049 on:** July 03, 2025, 07:34:09 PM »

A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

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