Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, Mk III. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 541772 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8050 on:** July 03, 2025, 08:55:22 PM »

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8051 on:** July 03, 2025, 09:44:28 PM »

You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8052 on:** July 03, 2025, 10:14:53 PM »

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8053 on:** July 03, 2025, 10:55:48 PM »

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8054 on:** July 04, 2025, 01:19:30 AM »

Here’s to our wives and girlfriends… may they never meet!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8055 on:** July 04, 2025, 02:00:35 AM »

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8056 on:** July 04, 2025, 04:08:48 AM »

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8057 on:** July 04, 2025, 04:45:03 AM »

I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8058 on:** July 04, 2025, 07:27:24 AM »

Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8059 on:** July 04, 2025, 09:30:49 AM »

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8060 on:** July 04, 2025, 10:04:59 AM »

I’m sick of following my dreams, man.
I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8061 on:** July 04, 2025, 12:29:52 PM »

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it back in your pocket.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8062 on:** July 04, 2025, 02:51:03 PM »

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8063 on:** July 04, 2025, 03:27:33 PM »

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8064 on:** July 04, 2025, 04:16:57 PM »

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8065 on:** July 04, 2025, 04:52:03 PM »

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8066 on:** July 04, 2025, 05:22:32 PM »

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8067 on:** July 04, 2025, 05:50:22 PM »

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8068 on:** July 04, 2025, 06:35:16 PM »

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8069 on:** July 04, 2025, 07:04:10 PM »

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D.
Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8070 on:** July 04, 2025, 08:05:15 PM »

“Be yourself” is about the worst advice you can give some people.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8071 on:** July 04, 2025, 09:34:45 PM »

Us older people shouldn’t eat health food, we need all the preservatives we can get.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8072 on:** July 04, 2025, 11:46:51 PM »

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade
… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8073 on:** July 05, 2025, 12:16:07 AM »

It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8074 on:** July 05, 2025, 02:34:31 AM »

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you still had hair.

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