QANTAS REPAIRS

[JuST Peter]

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight. 

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.. 


P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. 
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. 
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. 

P: Something loose in cockpit. 
S: Something tightened in cockpit. 

P: Dead bugs on windshield. 
S: Live bugs on back-order. 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. 
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. 
S: Evidence removed. 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud. 
S: DME volume set to more believable level. 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. 
S: That's what friction locks are for. 

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. 
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. 

P: Suspected crack in windshield. 
S: Suspect you're right. 

P: Number 3 engine missing. 
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. 

P: Aircraft handles funny............ (I love this one!) 
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. 

P: Target radar hums. 
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. 

P: Mouse in cockpit. 
S: Cat installed. 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. 
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Shiney]

          
That was bloody brilliant, thankyou for sharing

[Whizz]

Many years ago whilst in the Air Force I had a particularly obnoxious pilot come back from a flight and write in the 'gripe sheet', "Number 1 VHF F****d", although he didn't put stars where some letters go, he spelled it out in full.

So I went to the aircraft, found the problem, repaired and tested it, then went back inside and wrote "Number 1 VHF UnF****d". Shortly thereafter the Engineering Officer (my boss) called me into his office and told me off for writing these words in the aircraft log book (which is where the 'gripe sheet' lives). The excuse for me getting told off and the pilot not being told off was that he was an Officer and I wasn't!

That went down like a lead f**t I can tell you!