Extracts from letters written to
local councils by public housing tenants:
1. It's the
dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
2. I want some
repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
3. I wish to
complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his
foot in the hole in his back passage.
4. Their 18
year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
5. I wish to report
that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was
bad wind the other day that blew them off.
6. My lavatory
seat is cracked, where do I stand?
7. I am
writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
8. Will you
please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell
on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
9. I request
permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
10. 50% of the
walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain
filthy.
11. I am still
having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
12. The toilet
is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
13. Will you
please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not
fit to drink.
14. Our
lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
15. I want to
complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his
cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
16. The man
next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly
and dangerous.
17. Our
kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third,
so please send someone round to do something about it.
18. I am a single
woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something
about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
19. Please send a man with
the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
20. I have had the clerk
of works down on the floor six times but I still have no
satisfaction.
21. This is to let you
know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
22. My bush is really
overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in
it.
23. He's got this huge
tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more
