Author Topic: Signs of the times  (Read 3081 times)

Offline alphafang

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Signs of the times
« on: November 22, 2012, 01:14:03 AM »

 
 
Did I read that sign right?
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so)
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.
It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!
They put in a correction the next day.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya think?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
 
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
Ferret added.
Paul Lingard
 

Online Shiney

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Re: Signs of the times
« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2012, 11:08:12 PM »
 :crackup :crackup :crackup :rofl :rofl :rofl
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Offline TheMechwarrior

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Re: Signs of the times
« Reply #2 on: November 23, 2012, 11:13:52 AM »
OMG I'm in tears, thanks. 
:crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl
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Offline Whizz

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Re: Signs of the times
« Reply #3 on: November 23, 2012, 10:19:45 PM »
 :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup
Cheers,
Paul
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Offline JuST Peter

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Re: Signs of the times
« Reply #4 on: December 01, 2012, 11:14:25 AM »
I'm a bit late in,. I know, but these are real pearlers.
This one:
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.
It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!
They put in a correction the next day.

reminds me of a mates' wife who cut off a tree branch while sitting on it. While she was on the ground
waiting for hubby to come over and help, she opened one eye and saw he too was on the ground, crying laughing
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Offline Biggles

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Re: Signs of the times
« Reply #5 on: December 01, 2012, 04:02:47 PM »
reminds me of a mates' wife who cut off a tree branch while sitting on it. While she was on the ground
waiting for hubby to come over and help, she opened one eye and saw he too was on the ground, crying laughing

There would be a fascinating sequel to be told about that event.
The husband would be too frightened to sleep at night!   :eek
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