1. I woke up this morning and sensed something was wrong. I rushed downstairs and found the wife face down in the kitchen and not breathing. I was in a mad panic and didn't know what to do until I remembered that McDonalds serves breakfast until 10.00am.
2. My sister-in-law sat on my new expensive glasses and broke them. It was my fault really; I should have taken them off.
3. I bought my wife a beautiful hamster skin coat last week. The other night I took her to Luna Park and spent all night trying to get her off the Ferris wheel.
4. I swallowed some Scrabble tiles last night. My next visit to the toilet could spell disaster.
5. I spent an hour last night defrosting the fridge, or as my wife calls it, foreplay.
