Strange game, Crappit...Saw some once on the TV... I never could understand it...
Its called an 'International' test, it started internationally in 1877..... surely it's been tested enough by now? Players from 10 countries are involved,
which is far closer to the truth than the claims of 'Baseball
World Series' in which
US American League players challenge
US National League players in the USA.
There are 3 teams which play Crappit.
The third team is internationally known as being 'optically challenged', by players and public alike... this may be the reason that
they can only field a couple of players, and an invisible third one, who secretly videotapes the game, for playback sometimes during disputes.
This third team OWN the ball, and are derisively referred to as 'Umpys'
However, both other teams allow the umpys to take the field in a true gesture of sportsmanship.
The Umpys mainly stand at each end of the pitch. They are scrutinised by both the other teams after every ball thrown,
and either nod, or shake their head, or occasionally point to the heavens.
They are sneered at by the other two teams.
Frequently they take the ball, but give it back again, or give the other players a 'new' one. They must own the balls.
It is generally known that ‘Umpys’ are sight impaired. This is possibly the reason that they cannot field a full team.
One team member, called a 'Bo-ler' saunters around, polishing the ball on his trousers until they are dye stained.
(never could understand why... it was a brand new ball, anyway).. He then throws the ball at the opposing team member,
using a ludicrous arm swinging running action with strange footsteps, which is totally against the rules of articular motion
for the human body...
Some throwers only take several paces, others use half the playing field to accelerate from a slow walking start.
The player who the ball is thrown at, called a 'Bass-man' who has a strange shaped club to defend himself with, and wears
weird partial body armour, and a helmet.
A crouching member of the opposition team (also wearing similar armour, but without a defensive club), hides behind the 'Bass-man'. He is called a 'Whiggety'?
.. he is actually the primary target of the 'Bo-ler' The sole purpose of the 'Whiggety' is to distract the 'Bass-man' with pointed jibes
about his mother, wife, G/F, sister, skin colour, lack of sporting talent, or a combination of all of these.
You're in until you're out... when you've all been in, and out, the team that's ‘in’ goes out, and the team that’s ‘out’ , goes in
... until they're all out. When they've all been in and out, its repeated again tomorrow, sometimes over several days.
Some players randomly standing around watching play, were reported as being 'silly mid on', 'silly mid off', and 'silly point'
... wtf? .... if it was so silly, why were they there?
One guy close in to the batsman was called 'short leg' but it wasn't obvious, and he didn't appear to have a limp.
Another guy was called at 'cow corner' ... must be a dairy farmer in real life.
They did state that one player was in 'deep cover', but he was plainly visible to all.
I am still confused about the report of the fellow with the square leg?
The Bass-man tries to get opposition team members, who stand around watching, to join the game by hitting the ball in their
general direction in an attempt to get them to retrieve it, and return it to the Bo-ler, altho’ the Bass-mans aim seems poor and it often
requires an extended chase to retrieve said ball.
Scoring is strange... after hitting the ball, the side that's in swap ends... sometimes... and occasionally more than once.
Each time they do this, its called a 'run' but sometimes they hit long shots, and only run once, but casually stroll back
to their original positions, and are scored with 4 'runs' and sometimes 6 .... HUH?
Sometimes the game is paused, when a player reaches a ‘ton’ ... whatever that is.
One person acknowledges this, by strolling around the playing area waving his bat in the air while everyone else looks bored.
There are 3 sticks, called, um... 'Whiggits?' at each end of the playing area, poking out the ground, with two little bits balanced on top.
A very fragile balance.
They are the last line of defensive protection from the ‘Bo-ler’ for the 'Whiggety', but are hardly adequate to protect him.
I think he still relies on the 'Bass-man' to deflect the ball, even tho' he has been bagging him out.
Apparently, these sticks are some sort of trophy, as at the end of the match, they are swooped upon by Players of all 3 teams, and also the general public.
Often, the little bits fall off, or the sticks get dislodged from the ground, sometimes by the ball, rarely by the bat, but often by a closed glove
of the Whiggety, which is supposed to have the ball hidden in it, at which his team jumps in the air and shouts “AZZAT?” .
The third team assess the situation, sometimes shaking their head, and replying “NOD-OUT!”,.... sometimes by nodding, (and raising the finger)
This decision seems to be completely arbitrary, and depends upon the mood of the Umpy.
Maybe pointing to the heavens is a warning to the player who is 'in' that he is being watched from above, and should curb his profanities?
Often, but not always, a player who was 'in', is so disgusted by this raised finger action when it occurs, that he will leave the field,
muttering obscenities, only to be replaced with another team member.
Cuts both ways, as many members of the fielding team curse at a head shake ~
When this occurs, the use of the word ‘SUNOVA-BIJ!’ is common among many players.
Players of two teams always doubt the legitimacy of the ‘Umpys’, and often mention their unmarried parents, but usually under their breath.
There are many references to their impaired vision.
I watched some of it on TV once... a bloke that was in, was out... they said something about 'Leg Before ... um.... Whiggit' ?
..from the way he was hobbling, it wasn't his leg that was hit.... or was it?...
....maybe the word 'Test' is an abbreviation for that part of the body?
The highlight of some games, is the unscheduled arrival of a naked person (either male or female gender) who runs onto the field, and
is pursued by some members of all 3 teams, and the local constabulary. When this occurs, there is much merriment among spectators,
as it adds entertainment to what is otherwise a generally boring day.
It is widely believed that this distraction is a free bonus for spectators, possibly provided by the venue owners, altho’ responsibility is hotly denied by them.
~ Kev
PS.. did you know that female crappitors also wear a piece of protective gear, called a 'Box'?... (although they refer to it as a 'Manhole cover')
