Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...  (Read 77118 times)

Offline Brock

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #150 on: August 26, 2015, 10:00:03 PM »
Not sure I want to come across carni... meat eating cows......
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Offline Biggles

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #151 on: September 01, 2015, 09:19:10 PM »
We'll let you off with a warning!
Just don't do it every month!!   :-(((
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Offline Shiney

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #152 on: September 04, 2015, 11:02:19 AM »
That is hilarious :clap :clap :clap

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Offline STroppy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #153 on: September 05, 2015, 08:35:47 PM »
A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
 
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."
 
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
 
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
 
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
 
"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.
 
That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
 
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
 
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".
 
The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"
 
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
 
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"
 
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing
 
 
 
 
 
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Offline STroppy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #154 on: September 05, 2015, 08:54:17 PM »
 
Get a glass of wine sit back and enjoy
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCsHF7BgwPE

 
 

 
 
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Offline Brock

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #155 on: September 06, 2015, 05:59:49 PM »
Next time, get their paypal details, and then submit a report to Paypal
Brock
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Offline Biggles

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #156 on: September 07, 2015, 01:36:41 PM »
oh, by the way, my phone bill is currently more than $100 in credit...




How do you get that??
Do you have some kind of hi-tech communications solar panels?
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Offline Biggles

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #157 on: September 07, 2015, 04:09:37 PM »
Nah!.. just a strict payment regime, where I send more than demanded and stay in front.
Currently, my rent is paid until end of November, and my electricity is $410.70 credit

Not my style.  I'd have the money in my ING account getting 3.5% rather than give it to someone to hold for me.
For the modern man who lives in the city, riding a bike might be one of the only ways to escape the humdrum monotony. To take off and ride. To be both at one with nature and one with the bike. To feel masculine. Adam Piggott

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Offline STroppy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #158 on: September 13, 2015, 09:53:02 AM »
 
The lady was a southern woman who attended church services and taught Sunday School every week.
 
One Sunday, an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her.  He noted what a fine looking woman she was.
 
While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said, “How about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?”
 
“Why yes, that would be nice”, the lady responded.
 
Well, the gentleman couldn’t believe his luck.
 
On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in town. When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested, “Would you like a cocktail before dinner?”
 
“Oh, no,” said the fine example of southern womanhood. “What ever would I tell my Sunday School class?”
 
Well, the gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn’t say much until after dinner, when he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked, “Would you like a smoke?”
 
“Oh my goodness no,” said the woman. “I couldn’t face my Sunday School class if I did!”
 
Well, the man felt pretty low after that, so they left and got into his car.  As he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn.

 He’d been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with, “Ahhh, hhhhmmmm, how would you like to stop at this motel?”
 
“Sure, that would be nice,” she said in anticipation.
 
The gentleman couldn’t believe his ears.  He did a fast u-turn right then and there, drove back to the motel and checked in!
 
The next morning, after a wild and passionate night of the most
incredible lovemaking imaginable, the gentleman awoke first. He looked at the lovely Dixie darlin’ lying there in the bed and with remorse thought, “What have I done?”
 
He shook her awake and pleaded, “I’ve got to ask you one thing, whatever are you going to tell your Sunday School class?”
 
The lady said, “The same thing I always tell them, ‘You don’t have to smoke and drink to have a good time.’”
 
 
 
 
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Offline spanner

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #159 on: September 16, 2015, 08:58:15 AM »
bye bye
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Offline Bloodman

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #160 on: September 18, 2015, 04:14:49 PM »
 :rofl :rofl

 :bl11
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Online StinkyPete

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #161 on: September 24, 2015, 03:05:46 PM »
Kev,    I think that emu did more than damage your mirror....    :crackup
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Offline Brock

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #162 on: September 24, 2015, 08:17:23 PM »
He obviously didnt get the memo that the meeting has been postponed....

Oh thats right, i was going to send it tomorrow (maybe)
Brock
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Offline Brock

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #163 on: September 26, 2015, 06:39:19 PM »
Murphy to the Norty Corner,

Murphy to the Norty corner......


 :well :||||

Time for a rest Kev......

The jokes  are getting....     :eek :eek :eek
Brock
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Offline Shiney

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #164 on: September 27, 2015, 07:40:18 AM »
:rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #165 on: September 27, 2015, 10:44:36 AM »
Kevin, Kevin,Kevin I'm glad I wake up to you each morning it get's my day off to a great start. :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :crackup
I'm not strange i'm just not normal {Salvador Dahli}
 
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Online StinkyPete

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #166 on: September 27, 2015, 03:57:00 PM »
Remind me not to camp next to Kev for a while.   I reckon he's about due to be hit by lightning out of a clear sky.
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Offline Biggles

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #167 on: September 29, 2015, 12:00:53 PM »
"Planking" is soooo 2014.  Surely no one is still doing it, apart from Snoopy (and I believe he's moved on).
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Offline Shiney

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #168 on: October 01, 2015, 04:17:47 PM »
Wow that is really nasty :eek
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Offline WendyL

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #169 on: October 01, 2015, 04:56:32 PM »
 :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl

Damn near spat coffee all over my keyboard......
:KissBlow
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Offline WendyL

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #170 on: October 02, 2015, 03:39:05 PM »
 :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl
:KissBlow
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Online Williamson

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #171 on: October 02, 2015, 06:04:52 PM »
Now, this could be fun... chess in an Irish pub.




Can't see any Guinness ......
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Offline Biggles

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #172 on: October 02, 2015, 09:10:46 PM »
So when you capture your opponent's piece, you drink it instead of just setting it aside.
Encourages a fast game- no one wants to drink flat beer.
That's why the king and queen are spirits.     :grin
For the modern man who lives in the city, riding a bike might be one of the only ways to escape the humdrum monotony. To take off and ride. To be both at one with nature and one with the bike. To feel masculine. Adam Piggott

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Online Williamson

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #173 on: October 02, 2015, 09:21:19 PM »
The King may as well be water.
Cheers,  Williamson (AKA Michael)

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Online StinkyPete

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...
« Reply #174 on: October 06, 2015, 07:50:42 AM »
It took me a day, but I finally figured out the Metro Gnome.  Very Clever :rofl
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