Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll...

[STeveo]

Been there, done that. All grown up now and leaving me in peace. 

[Biggles]

Speaking of flies, I often put this animation on my second screen.

It keeps my cats entertained for ages...

Kept me going for a minute also.  Was hoping fort another story.     

[ppopeye]

 
It's those blondes again. (I know its been done before)

 

Two blondes were filling up at a gas station and the first blonde says to the second, "I bet these awful gas prices are going to go even higher."

The second blonde replies, "Won't affect me, I always put in just $10 worth."

 

 

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door Neighbour’s dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says "The dog is still barking; what have you been doing?"

The blonde says "I've put the dog in our backyard, let's see how they like it.

 

 

One day, Jill's husband came home from the office and found her sobbing convulsively.

"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of pants for that suit."

"Yes, and it's lucky for you that you did," said Jill, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."

 

 

Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"

 

 

A blonde decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her blonde friend from next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.

"Buffy," she said, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"

"Ten," said Buffy.

So the blonde bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 2 rolls leftover. "Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 leftover!"

"Yes," said Buffy. "So did I."

 

 

A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. The second horse's tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse's tail. Our blonde friend was stuck again.

The neighbour then suggested that she notch the ear of one horse, which worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again, our blonde friend couldn't tell the two horses apart.

The neighbour then suggested that she measure the horses for height. When she did that, the blonde was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one

 

Blonde Interview

The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with any person, living or dead, who would that be?"

The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

[STeveo]

 

[spanner]

***Groan***

[Biggles]

Yep, it ain't just the mechanicals that need servicing these days!

[Biggles]

Doc said they could pump my knee with silicone, but it would have to be done every four months, at a cost of around 10k per visit.
I told the Doc that I could buy a whole tube of silicone at Bunnings for under $3 ??

But you also have to buy a sterile drill bit to apply it internally.
AND a dowel plug to keep it in.
AND the optional local anaesthetic.

[alans1100]

AND the optional local anaesthetic.

Heather had a general anaesthetic when hers was done. Had the keyhole thing done first but not much improvement so doc put her on waiting list for knee replacement ....... 12 months later it was done at Port Pirie hospital.

The same doc is going to take the screws out from her previous broken leg when she had the rod put in. The rod will stay but the screws near the ankle will come out.

[alans1100]

Heather not impressed with the dentist video

[Biggles]

Heather not impressed with the dentist video

What's her problem?  There's a budget to be met here...     

[gaz]

 

[alans1100]

Hmmm..... current posts, 1466

Random thought
... brings to mind the introduction of decimal currency in Australia, remember the old jingle?  "...on the 14th of February 1966..."

I was 10.5 years old then........learnt pounds etc. in school then had to forget all that and work in Dollars.

Lets see now, what was I doing at that time?... oh yeah, complaining about compulsory Saturday overtime as an apprentice, because it limited my weekend road rides on Sunday to short local trips because no petrol stations were open... (if weather was too windy to skydive)

Where were you living then? We moved to Adelaide in 1965 and I remember all the 24 hour stations at Cavan (only one or two left now) and the Golden Mile at Darlington (only few left now)

[Wild Rose]

Ken
Also by my posting I spent quite a bit of time awake at night but it is not because of my biological clock but because of my job as a train driver. We operate 24/7
And I seem to get more than my fair share of night work   

[Wild Rose]

No but I have sat down to a few beers or a glass or 2 of wine at 5 or 6 in the morning after finishing a night shift   

[Biggles]

Pakistani Kenworth tipper. Needs more donkey power ... or a bigger ass...

Very clever- it's working perfectly.  The operator removes the little item that put the C of G ahead of the axle, then applies a small upward force on the shaft and bingo!  Taliban tiptruck!

[Biggles]

I always thought air was free, until I bought a packet of crisps the other day 

The bags have that much air in them to provide protection for the chips, ya nong!     
Would you prefer a flat pack of chip fragments?   

[STeveo]

 

[STroppy]

Yossele Zelkovitz worked in a pickle factory. For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist..

After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossele to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.
 
The next day he came home from work very early.

His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened.

Yossele tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.
 
Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis.

She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"
 
Yossele replied, "I think she got fired, too."

[WendyL]

SHARKS

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied
The survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark
And they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just
The tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few
Times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked,
"Dad, why didn't we just eat Them all at first?
Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied,
"Because they taste better if you scare the shit out of them first!"
 

[ppopeye]

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Melbourne to Brisbane. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa”. Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500”. This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer. “Okay” says the lawyer, “your turn”.

She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?” The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500. The blonde says, “Thank you,” and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?”

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

…And you thought blondes were dumb.


 


Sent from my iPad

[Shiney]

That is awesome

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk

[Brock]

I see it, a green Pacman

 

[Biggles]

It took a few seconds, but yes,

you're definitely "different".   

 

[ppopeye]

Aarrr. That looks betterer

[STeveo]