A government survey has shown that 91% of immigrants come to
Australia & Britain so that they can see their own doctor.
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Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production
of humus and taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.
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Sixty Pakistanis died in Sydney this morning.
It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed..
The police are blaming AL IKEA .
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Police stop a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway. Policeman
says "Do you know the limit is 100?"
The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear that, three of you
have got to get out!"
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Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them..
"Bollocks to that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing"
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Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year".
Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
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My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to
hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
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Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look longingly through the
window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
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I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be
honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
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Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate. When I said
white, they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30
minutes. I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.
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Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after
they tested positive for WD40.
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A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.
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Just a reminder to those who stole electrical goods in last year's
riots: your one year manufacturer's warranty runs out soon.
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Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both are in hospital. One's in a korma, the other's got a dodgy tikka!
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In the first few days of the last Olympics, Romanians took gold,
silver, bronze, copper & lead.
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The sailing results are in: USA took gold, GB took silver and Somalia
took a Middle aged couple from Singapore .
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An entrepreneur has started his own business in Afghanistan
making Land Mines that look like prayer mats!
It's doing well. Prophets are going through the roof.
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A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, ‘Never mind the pills, have you seen the dragons in the
kitchen’?
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An elderly couple are in church. About halfway through the service,
the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent
fart; what do you think I should do?' He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid’.
