Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5862890 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35602 on:** August 19, 2021, 09:01:50 PM »

Will health care be different under ScoMo's new reforms?

No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by 2023!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35603 on:** August 19, 2021, 09:02:14 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35604 on:** August 19, 2021, 09:07:43 PM »

Man takes along a .22 pistol to camping.

His friend asks if that’s for bears.

Man: “No. This will not stop a bear.”

Friend: "What will you do if a bear crosses our path?"

Man: “I’ll run.”

“RUN?” asks the friend. “You can’t outrun a bear?”

Man: “I don’t have to. I just have to outrun you.”

Friend: “But you can’t outrun me!”

Man: “That’s what the .22 is for.”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35605 on:** August 19, 2021, 09:08:27 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35606 on:** August 19, 2021, 09:44:27 PM »

An official Gallup survey polled over 1000 women with the question: Would you sleep with Bill Clinton?

1% said, "No"
2% said, "Yes"
97% said, "Never Again"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35607 on:** August 19, 2021, 09:52:32 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35608 on:** August 19, 2021, 10:13:30 PM »

A blonde went to a drive-in in a taxi cab.

The movie cost her $95.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35609 on:** August 19, 2021, 10:45:17 PM »

Last time I went to the movies I was thrown out for bringing my own food.
My argument was that the concession stand prices are outrageous.
Besides, I haven't had a Bar-B-Que in a long time.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35610 on:** August 19, 2021, 10:47:18 PM »

She asked me if I knew what time it was?

I said, "Yes, but not right now."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35611 on:** August 19, 2021, 10:50:52 PM »

A wife desperately tries to prove to her husband that her affair is over.

He had already forgiven her, but still hadn’t spoken to her in days.
The only thing she could think of, is that he must still not trust her.

To convince him, she cut her ex lover’s obituary out of the newspaper.
Her affair ended long before the accident, but she thought she could ease her husband’s mind once and for all.

“You see,” she told him, “He was struck by a drunk driver.”

“I wasn’t drunk.” He replied.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35612 on:** August 19, 2021, 10:52:03 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35613 on:** August 19, 2021, 11:10:28 PM »

A blonde went swimming, and almost drowned.

So now she swears she'll never get into the water again until she's learned to swim.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35614 on:** August 19, 2021, 11:13:26 PM »

My girlfriend's so intense... She woke me up the other night and asked, "If you could tell exactly when and how you were going to die, would you want to know?"
I said, "Heck no, why?"
"Doesn't matter, just go back back to sleep..."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35615 on:** August 19, 2021, 11:24:30 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35616 on:** August 19, 2021, 11:50:40 PM »

I have been trying to find a new hobby.

So lately I have taken up drag racing.

I win most of the time, because it's hard for them cross dressers to outrun me in high heels.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35617 on:** August 19, 2021, 11:58:01 PM »

Blonde goes to put her friends death in the local newspaper.
They tell her it's $1 a word, she only has $3, so she says to put in, "Karen is dead".

They feel sorry for her and tell her she can have another 3 words for free.

She said 'Put in "Karen is dead. Microwave for sale." '

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35618 on:** August 20, 2021, 12:19:31 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35619 on:** August 20, 2021, 12:20:12 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35620 on:** August 20, 2021, 12:23:14 AM »

A man is shopping without a mask on....

Man: *looks at store items without wearing a mask*

Shop Keeper: "Hey sir, you can't shop in here without wearing a mask!"

Man: "Nah I have a Medical condition that makes it hard for me to breathe."

Shop Keeper: "Oh, what condition?"

Man: "Covid-19"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35621 on:** August 20, 2021, 12:23:50 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35622 on:** August 20, 2021, 12:48:25 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35623 on:** August 20, 2021, 12:53:03 AM »

1: So can we agree that those at the bottom of the political spectrum have less clothes?
2: Yes
1: So they are the less-ons?
2: Yes
1: And those at the top are the political spectrum have more clothes?
2: yes
1: so they are the more-ons?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35624 on:** August 20, 2021, 12:59:53 AM »

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5862890 times)