Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5862144 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35700 on:** August 22, 2021, 12:34:08 AM »

For CrySake, Lady... FART before you EXPLODE!!!!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35701 on:** August 22, 2021, 03:19:36 AM »

Too Much Drinking and Smoking.

Sarah and Tamika met for drinks.

Sarah said, "Me & my husband are no longer together."

"What happened?" Tamika asked.

"Could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job, and a foul mouth?"

"Hell No, of course I couldn't!" Tamika said.

"Neither could my husband!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35702 on:** August 22, 2021, 03:24:37 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35703 on:** August 22, 2021, 04:04:33 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35704 on:** August 22, 2021, 04:05:08 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35705 on:** August 22, 2021, 04:05:54 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35706 on:** August 22, 2021, 04:14:16 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35707 on:** August 22, 2021, 08:34:09 AM »

As a new year resolution, I, like million others decided to join a gym and hire a trainer. After some warm up, the trainer brought me to the equipment. a vertical row machine. He showed me how to use the machine and suggested that i exercise one arm at a time. Looking at my physique (if i can call that), he decided that the right weight would be 50 pounds, but i being cocky asked him to increase it to 70 pounds.The trainer said it would be too much, but i insisted.

I started the exercise just as he suggested. I was able to pull with one arm easily and finished 12 reps in no time. The trainer looked surprised.

Then i switched the arm. And suddenly the weights feel too heavy. I could hardly pull the weights. With much effort I was able to finish 4 reps. Couldn't finish the 5th one.

I started wondering why it was that I am able to pull the weights easily with one hand but was struggling so badly with the other. That's when it hit me

"I have been single for far too long"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35708 on:** August 22, 2021, 08:46:35 AM »

My dentist said my teeth were stained, and then asked me "Do you smoke or drink coffee?"

I said ... "I drink it"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35709 on:** August 22, 2021, 08:49:12 AM »

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door on the left, and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS...
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.

The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.

He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop.

It read… MAIN ENTRANCE.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35710 on:** August 22, 2021, 09:09:06 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35711 on:** August 22, 2021, 09:10:00 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35712 on:** August 22, 2021, 11:53:11 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35713 on:** August 22, 2021, 11:54:38 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35714 on:** August 22, 2021, 11:55:27 AM »

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #35715 on:** August 22, 2021, 02:01:57 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on August 22, 2021, 12:22:37 AM

As the whole State is again in lockdown for the next couple of weeks , I guess my planned ride for tomorrow is canned, and the RTE to Smeaton is scrapped.

You're too slow, Kev!
As soon as there was talk of locking regional areas down again, I took off for a ride yesterday morning before ol' Dan got to announce it.

It was a beautiful sunny day here except for it blowing a gale so while it wasn't ideal, (especially along the coast)...at least I got a decent ride in!
Got home after the lockdown came into effect...woops!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35716 on:** August 22, 2021, 02:13:05 PM »

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #35717 on:** August 22, 2021, 02:13:17 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on August 22, 2021, 04:05:08 AM

Doesn't look like he'd make a very good "buoy"!

Probably a good thing because if he was a buoy, he'd have to change his name to "bob"...

Seriously though, he really is an inspiration!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35718 on:** August 22, 2021, 02:36:35 PM »

The biggest drawback/deterrent of polygamy is multiple mothers-in-law.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35719 on:** August 22, 2021, 03:30:02 PM »

As the Korean war was at a stalemate the US realized that they didn't know how many prisoners they had so they appointed a Marine Colonel to do a census of all the prison camps.

He walked into the office of a prison, and asked the soldier there how many prisoners there were.
"Many, many", he replied.
"No, I need to know exactly how many for my report".
"We have many, many", he replied again.
The Colonel then asked if there was someone who could give him the exact amount.
The soldier said that a Marine Sergeant sitting at the next desk might be able to tell him.

He went over to the Sergeant and said, "How many prisoners do you have here, son".
"Colonel, we've got a crap load of them."
The Colonel said, "Now why the hell couldn't that little SOB have told me that?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35720 on:** August 22, 2021, 03:32:54 PM »

What a total waste today is. 19 degrees outside, hardly even a breeze, nicest day we have had in more than 6 months, and we are in lockdown!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35721 on:** August 22, 2021, 05:40:59 PM »

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35722 on:** August 22, 2021, 06:04:03 PM »

Nice day here has ended. Just one minute after 6pm, there was a crash of thunder, and now it's raining.

Update 6.15 pm

Temperature 9.5°C
Feels Like 7.6°C

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35723 on:** August 22, 2021, 06:19:06 PM »

I chased a girl for two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine:

We were both crazy about girls.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35724 on:** August 22, 2021, 06:21:07 PM »

I'm not feeling very well, I need a doctor immediately.

Please ring the nearest golf course.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5862144 times)