Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5865033 times)

Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35200 on: August 10, 2021, 02:29:48 PM »
Click on image for easier reading.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35201 on: August 10, 2021, 03:49:33 PM »
Recession is when your neighbour loses his job.

Depression is when you lose yours.

And recovery is when Daniel Andrews loses his.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35202 on: August 10, 2021, 04:25:52 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35203 on: August 10, 2021, 04:37:38 PM »
Another whale and calf spotted in the north end of the bay from Portland at 3pm today.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35204 on: August 10, 2021, 04:51:05 PM »
MORE whales. A second mother and calf have just joined the other pair, reported at 4.50pm
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35205 on: August 10, 2021, 08:59:03 PM »
This years most popular handheld device is...the mobile phone,

just beating last years favourite, the penis
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35206 on: August 10, 2021, 09:01:10 PM »

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35207 on: August 10, 2021, 09:11:53 PM »
Proof that men are logical:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off enough, that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off.

"Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself I ALWAYS smile wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why:

I drive 38 miles each way every day to work, that's 76 miles. Of these, 16 each way, is bumper-to-bumper, most of the bumper-to-bumper is on 8 lane highway. So if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 34 miles is not bumper to bumper.

I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.

Statistically half of these are driven by females, that's 18,000.

In any given group of females 1 in 28 are having the worst day of their period. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding, that's 449, according to the National Institutes of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide, that's 98, and 34% describe men as their biggest problem, that's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that, has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period and is ARMED!

No matter what she does in traffic, I wouldn't DREAM of flipping her off.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35208 on: August 10, 2021, 09:17:19 PM »
A girl brings a guy home from the club.
Before they enter the house she mentions

"Hope it's ok that I live at home with the family..."

"Yeah it's fine" says the guy

They start to kiss and as thing start to heat up the girl says :

"Oh BTW did I mention that my father is in the Counter Terrorist Corps ? My Mom is in the Homicide Corps and they are light sleepers"

Guy thinks : "Where the hell am I?"...but...they resume kissing...

"Oh BTW my brother just returned from Afghanistan and he sleeps in the room next door."
says the girl

Guy thinks : "Oh man ...gotta keep it quiet..."

Girl takes off her top and asks : "Wanna have an exciting night ?"

"Well, yeah !!!"

"Help! Help! ...  He's raping me !!"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35209 on: August 11, 2021, 03:36:14 AM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35210 on: August 11, 2021, 03:36:53 AM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35211 on: August 11, 2021, 03:37:27 AM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35212 on: August 11, 2021, 03:40:41 AM »
A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive.

"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth paying to replace so many devices!"

"Then why are Androids so much cheaper?", asked the journalist.

"Because," said Tim Cook, "An Android replaces just one device. The iPhone."
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35213 on: August 11, 2021, 10:40:40 AM »
A man returns from a foreign holiday and is feeling very ill.
He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo tests.

The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
"This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests and we've found you have an extremely nasty STD called G.A.S.H. It's a combination of Gonorrhea, AIDS, Syphilis, and Herpes!"

"Oh my gosh!," cried the man, "What are you going to do, doctor?"

"Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread."

"Will that cure me???" asked the man.

The doctor replied, "Well no, but... it's the only food we can slip under the door."

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35214 on: August 11, 2021, 10:46:09 AM »
5 out of 5 surgeons recommend NOT pissing off Chuck Norris.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35215 on: August 11, 2021, 11:59:27 AM »
When Chuck Norris received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement had set.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35216 on: August 11, 2021, 12:24:51 PM »
You know, I must be constipated from all these lockdowns, because I no longer give a shit!
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35217 on: August 11, 2021, 12:39:45 PM »
How can you tell who is the head nurse of a facility?

She's the one with dirty knees.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35218 on: August 11, 2021, 12:42:31 PM »
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her.

She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife.
You look exactly like her."

"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.

"Funny?" he muttered, "you even SOUND exactly like her."

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35219 on: August 11, 2021, 01:23:20 PM »
Miserable weather here today, been raining since around midnight. 9mm since 9am, and 13mm since midnight. Possible hail later this afternoon. Currently 11 degrees, feels like 3.8

Am waiting for a break to take my bike in this afternoon for a tune up tomorrow morning.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35220 on: August 11, 2021, 01:31:49 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35221 on: August 11, 2021, 01:43:44 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35222 on: August 11, 2021, 01:44:23 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35223 on: August 11, 2021, 01:44:58 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35224 on: August 11, 2021, 05:28:19 PM »
Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace.
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