Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5864770 times)

Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35225 on: August 11, 2021, 08:45:44 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35226 on: August 11, 2021, 08:46:58 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35227 on: August 11, 2021, 08:48:12 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35228 on: August 11, 2021, 08:49:01 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35229 on: August 11, 2021, 08:51:51 PM »
I find this a-peeling.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35230 on: August 11, 2021, 08:52:41 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35231 on: August 11, 2021, 09:22:02 PM »
If men suffer from shrinkage when cold, ...

. . . do women clam shut?
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35232 on: August 11, 2021, 09:25:30 PM »
If you sing a country song backwards, do you get your job, your dog, your pickup truck, and your wife back?

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35233 on: August 11, 2021, 09:46:44 PM »
I bought some noise cancelling ear plugs, but people look at me, startled, whenever I say anything?
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35234 on: August 11, 2021, 11:23:52 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35235 on: August 11, 2021, 11:24:49 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35236 on: August 11, 2021, 11:25:31 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35237 on: August 11, 2021, 11:39:23 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35238 on: August 11, 2021, 11:45:54 PM »
A woman in her 90's is distraught after the death of her warm, caring, faithful husband of seventy years.
She can't live without him, and decides that the best way to do herself in is to stab herself in her pitifully broken heart.
Still, she doesn't want to linger, so she calls a doctor to find out exactly where the heart is.
He tells her to put her first two fingers together, hold them horizontally and place the tip of the first finger just below her left nipple. The heart, he says, is immediately below the first knuckle on her second finger.

Later that day, the doctor is called to the emergency room to put fourteen stitches in the elderly woman's left thigh.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35239 on: August 11, 2021, 11:48:39 PM »
Click on pic to enlarge for easier reading...

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35240 on: August 12, 2021, 12:04:24 AM »
The other day, I met a man who had recently lost his wife.

Bloody careless of him?
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35241 on: August 12, 2021, 12:41:04 PM »
In a recent interview with the London Mirror, actress Lindsay Lohan said that she stays away from drugs, because she saw what they did to her father. 

In another interview, OJ Simpson's son Jason said he avoids white women for the same reason.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35242 on: August 12, 2021, 12:57:40 PM »
What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your devices and accesses all your data, and the other is a hardware standard.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35243 on: August 12, 2021, 01:00:28 PM »
Tesla has started producing an anti-Corona device?

It's called the Elon Mask.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35244 on: August 12, 2021, 01:05:23 PM »
There's a new male contraceptive device on the market...

It's a rough little rock that you stick in your shoe, and it makes you limp.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35245 on: August 12, 2021, 01:06:40 PM »
A friend was having trouble with her oldschool mechanical typewriter.
She said 'It's great to have such a retro device, however it doesn't work properly'.

I asked 'What is wrong with it?'

She replied 'Well some of the keys get stuck and I have to move them back manually'

'Ah I think I have a solution'

'Please tell me'

'Well what you need to do is press W, D, 4, T, all at once and it should loosen up'.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35246 on: August 12, 2021, 01:11:04 PM »
Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side...

I mean, (sings) 'Imagine all the peepholes....'
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35247 on: August 12, 2021, 01:12:36 PM »
A 90 year old man walks into an electronic store and asked about two devices that had a difference in prices.
He was asked what was he going to use it for?

"Social media" He replied.

They would both work fine; if anything the nicer one might last a bit longer.

He said "Last longer? Man I'm 90. I don't even buy green bananas".
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35248 on: August 12, 2021, 01:13:59 PM »
I’m a pro at shoplifting candy bars. How, you ask?

I've got a few Twix up my sleeve.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35249 on: August 12, 2021, 01:16:01 PM »
I saw a guy shoplifting from a kitchen appliance store.

But that's the whisk he's willing to take.
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