Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5860987 times)

Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35975 on: August 28, 2021, 04:45:14 PM »
An Arkansas father takes his 12 year-old daughter to the doctor to get her on birth control.

The doctor then asks the man, “Your 12 year-old daughter is sexually active!???”

The man replies, “No, she’s like her mother. She just lays there.”
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35976 on: August 28, 2021, 04:48:41 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35977 on: August 28, 2021, 04:55:43 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35978 on: August 28, 2021, 05:19:23 PM »
A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.
He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of Kim Kardashian.

He gets them, and drives away with them. Soon, he comes back in a brand-new truck and new clothes and says:

- I need 100 pictures of Kim Kardashian.

He gets them and takes them away. Soon, he comes back in a huge customized truck and designer clothes and says:

- I need 200 pictures of Kim Kardashian.

The store clerk asks him:

- What's the deal with these pictures? How come you were recently poor, but now you're driving a truck worth more than my house?

The man replies:

- I opened a shooting range.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35979 on: August 28, 2021, 06:24:17 PM »
On hearing that 1000 jobs were in Jeopardy, an unemployed redneck hijacked a driver, and demanded that he be taken to Jeopardy.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35980 on: August 28, 2021, 06:44:47 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35981 on: August 28, 2021, 07:04:07 PM »
A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in Arkansas, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar.

After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed.

"Say, how old are you anyway?" the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing.

"Thirteen," she replied with a shy smile.

"Thirteen ??? My God, girl !!! You get those clothes back on at once at get the hell outta here ! Are you crazy ?" he thundered.

Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet smiled and said, "Superstitious, huh ?"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35982 on: August 28, 2021, 07:04:57 PM »
Born loser ...

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35983 on: August 28, 2021, 07:19:30 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35984 on: August 28, 2021, 07:49:11 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35985 on: August 28, 2021, 08:08:14 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35986 on: August 28, 2021, 08:09:30 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35987 on: August 28, 2021, 08:12:54 PM »
Rags To Riches Success Story

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoe shine.  He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine.

One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do you think about the situation in the stock market?"

The man answered arrogantly, "Why are you so interested in that topic?"

The shoe guy replies,  "I have millions in your bank," he says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market."

"What's your name? " asked the executive.

John H. Smith was the reply.

The CEO arrives at the bank and asked the Manager of the Customer Department: Do we have a client named John H. Smith? "Certainly," answers the Customer Service Manager, "he is a high net worth customer with 12.6 million dollars in his account."

The executive comes out, approaches the shoe shiner, and says, "Mr. Smith, I would like to invite you next Monday to be the guest of honor at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life.  I am sure we could learn something from your life's experience."

At the board meeting, the CEO introduces him to the board members.

We all know Mr. Smith, from the corner shoe shine stand, but Mr. Smith is also an esteemed customer.  I invited him here to tell us the story of his life.  I am sure we can learn from him.

Mr. Smith began his story.

"I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name.  I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Fortunately, I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options, eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for 25 cents and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating a few dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes.

I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and polishes in different shades and expanded my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny.

After a while, I was able to buy an armchair so my clients could sit comfortably while I shined their shoes, and that brought me more clients.  I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every cent.

A few years ago, when the previous shoe shiner on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place.

Finally, 6 months ago, my sister, who was a prostitute in Chicago, passed away and left me 12.6 million dollars."
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35988 on: August 28, 2021, 08:30:02 PM »
A ragged looking teen is begging for food on the street.

A guy comes along and buys him a sandwich. He asks the kid, “Are you an orphan?”

The kid replies, “Yes I am. What gave me away?”

The guy says, “Obviously, your parents”
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35989 on: August 28, 2021, 09:36:43 PM »
"My wife and I heard that coffee is good for your sex life."

"Oh, and is it? "

"No. It kept me awake for the whole damn thing. I actually had to participate!"

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35990 on: August 28, 2021, 09:40:47 PM »
Just bought a new TV... it says "Built in Antenna"

Hell, I don't even know where that is....??
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35991 on: August 28, 2021, 09:43:16 PM »
‌‌A R‌‌oman s‌‌oldier i‌‌s b‌‌ragging t‌‌o h‌‌is f‌‌riend, "‌‌You'll n‌‌ever g‌‌uess h‌‌ow m‌‌any w‌‌omen I‌‌'ve s‌‌lept w‌‌ith!"

"Mmm?"

"Nah, n‌‌ot t‌‌hat m‌‌any"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35992 on: August 28, 2021, 09:49:19 PM »
In Russia its called corruption, in USA they don't talk about it.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35993 on: August 28, 2021, 10:37:29 PM »
I love summer in Portland.

My favourite day of the year.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35994 on: August 29, 2021, 01:14:32 AM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35995 on: August 29, 2021, 01:18:03 AM »
The UK Government has decided to make LSD legal as a drug for weight loss.

It makes sense if you think about it.

It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a purple dragon guarding it...
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35996 on: August 29, 2021, 01:20:49 AM »
In North Korea, power passes from grandfather to grandson.

In the USA, power is passed on from grandfather to grandfather.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35997 on: August 29, 2021, 01:25:47 AM »
USB is a great backup.




Especially if USA fails
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35998 on: August 29, 2021, 01:30:35 AM »
Coronavirus arrives in the USA.

Mexico: So, about that wall...... will it keep Americans out of our country?
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #35999 on: August 29, 2021, 01:35:06 AM »
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