Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5861886 times)

Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36125 on: September 01, 2021, 08:54:16 AM »
Mouse problem solved! ... Shadow caught it and brought it to me. It's unharmed, but scared as hell.
I released it into the garden.
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Online ruSTynutz

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36126 on: September 01, 2021, 09:26:42 AM »
Sorta fogged in here at the moment. Will be looking at around 20 degrees here later today.
8 degrees at 730am, feels like 4.7.



Beautiful sunny day here, Kev!
And I'm heading out on the bike shortly for a nice ride to Traralgon...  :runyay

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36127 on: September 01, 2021, 01:37:16 PM »
Just got home, been for a few circuits of the town. Too nice a day to sit inside.
Currently a bright sunny 19 degrees, feels like 15. Might wander over to do some shopping as I have not been outside the door for 5 days except for putting the trash out last night..
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36128 on: September 01, 2021, 02:59:57 PM »
Just had some visitors, and all the jam that I bought for the cancelled RTE last Saturday now has new homes, so no wastage.  :like
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Offline Brock

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36129 on: September 01, 2021, 05:12:19 PM »
Quote
I released it into the garden.

I would have released it into a ziploc bag and into the freezer.

There are some people in the community here that complain about recurring mouse problems. They use humane traps, and release the little bugger into the bush just down the road.. A week later they complain again. Mice I catch dont come back..
Brock
Asian Correspondent
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36130 on: September 01, 2021, 05:51:22 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36131 on: September 01, 2021, 05:53:48 PM »
What great weather here today. 5.45pm,still 19.7 degrees, feels like 17.9  :thumbs
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36132 on: September 01, 2021, 06:41:55 PM »
The doctor said to the patient, "Take your clothes off, go to the window, and stick your tongue out".

"What will that do?" asks the patient.

The doctor replied, "I'm mad at my neighbour!"

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36133 on: September 01, 2021, 07:47:42 PM »
Don't buy the Daniel Andrews action figure.

It talks and talks and talks. You just can't get the thing to shut up.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36134 on: September 01, 2021, 08:06:21 PM »
Did Shaun Connery take Shelfies??
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36135 on: September 01, 2021, 09:06:58 PM »
I don't get any respect from my dog. He keeps barking at the front door.

He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36136 on: September 01, 2021, 09:21:24 PM »
At the 40th college reunion, Peter met his classmate he hadn't seen since graduation.
"John," he said, "you look just like you did in college. You really haven't changed a bit."

"I know," said John. " It was terrible going through college looking like a 61- year old."
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36137 on: September 01, 2021, 09:25:36 PM »
This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy.

I then took a shower in the clean water provided by a municipal water utility.

After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like, using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration.

I watched this while eating my breakfast of U.S. Department of Agriculture-inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time, as regulated by the U.S. Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the U.S. Naval Observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety
Administration-approved automobile and set out to work on the roads built by the local, state, and federal Departments of Transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank.

On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the U.S. Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and Fire Marshal's inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables, thanks to the local police department.

And then I log on to the internet -- which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration -- and post on Freerepublic.com and Fox News forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can't do anything right.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36138 on: September 01, 2021, 09:33:37 PM »
9.30pm, and still 18 degrees, feels like 14.
An estimated top tomorrow of 26, windy, with a 90% chance of 10 to 20mm of rain.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36139 on: September 01, 2021, 09:39:03 PM »
I was so depressed, I was going to jump out a tenth floor window.

They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "On your mark..."

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36140 on: September 01, 2021, 09:56:38 PM »
It's awkward touching hands with a woman in a popcorn bag.

Especially if you don't know her, and she is unaware that you're eating her popcorn.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36141 on: September 01, 2021, 10:09:54 PM »
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper 4 times - 3 while I was reading it

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36142 on: September 01, 2021, 10:11:07 PM »
A pair of twins walk into a bar.

A man walks up to them and asks:

"So, is it true that twins can communicate telepathically"

They look at each other in silence for about 30 seconds when the man says:

"I'm sorry if that was an awkward question, it was stupid of me to ask"

They respond in unison "No it's fine, we were just discussing an answer to give you"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36143 on: September 01, 2021, 10:13:37 PM »
Little Johnny rushes home from school.
He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen.
She says, "Put that away Johnny! You can’t have ice cream now. It’s too close to supper time.
Go outside and play."

Johnny whimpers and says, "There’s no one to play with."
Trying to placate him, she says, "OK, I’ll play with you. What do you want to play?"
He says, "I wanna play Mommie and Daddy."

Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, "Fine, I’ll play. What do I do?"
Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down."
Figuring that she can easily control the situation, she goes upstairs.

Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He dons his father’s old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table.
He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.

His mother raises up and says, "What do I do now?"
In a gruff manner, Johnny says, "Get your butt downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36144 on: September 01, 2021, 10:19:33 PM »
That awkward moment when the woman you’re dancing behind bends over double so you can grind it.

But it turns out she just dropped an earring, and no one else in Mcdonalds can hear the music on your iPod.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36145 on: September 01, 2021, 11:11:35 PM »
The Mind Reader.

The weather was very hot and a man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn’t bring his swimming trunks, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water.

After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, he got out of the water and noticed two old ladies walking along the shore in his direction. He panicked and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief.

The ladies got closer and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move.

Then one of the ladies said, “You know, I have a special gift. I can read minds.”

“Impossible,” said the embarrassed man. “You really know what I think?”

“Yes,” the lady replied. “Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you’re holding has a bottom.”
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36146 on: September 01, 2021, 11:15:51 PM »
5 year old daughter said: "Mummy? My little brother broke my new toy!"

"How did he do that?"

"I hit him on the head with it!"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36147 on: September 02, 2021, 09:16:45 AM »
Dental braces, helping you to put your money where your mouth is.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36148 on: September 02, 2021, 09:19:40 AM »
Rick Astley’s guide to password management.

* Never going to give you out
* Never going to write you down
* Never going to run around, and reuse you
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36149 on: September 02, 2021, 09:33:37 AM »
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