Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 316487 times)

Online Brock

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So have at it Kev
Brock
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Offline Brian

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1 on: November 26, 2015, 07:20:51 PM »
You are so accomodating Mr Brock
I jus wanna ride my bike

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Offline Biggles

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #2 on: November 26, 2015, 09:46:25 PM »
While I'm not a fan of open face helmets, if I had to wear one on my melon, it would be the watermelon version.  It wins ahead (pun intended) of the brain one because of the chunk cut out of the pic at the rear.
Mind you, the hair and ears would get a lot of second looks from the Constabulary!    :grin

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #3 on: November 26, 2015, 11:56:08 PM »
an oldie... but a good one...

Constabulary were casually parked near a pub near closing time, watching for anyone who may have been a little under the 'affluence of incohol' when
they spotted a guy stumbling through the car park.
Rubbing his hands with glee, one said "Lets breatho' that one!" 
"Nah!" said the other "We can only pinch him for inebriation... wait until he gets into his car, then we can grab him for DUI!" :law

Meanwhile, other patrons were leaving, calling to the guy "Night Sam!.. drive safe!" ... getting into their own cars and leaving.
Sam waved and replied as they left, was still stumbling around, fell over a couple times, picked himself up, staggered to his car, dropped his keys,
fell over again trying to pick them up... More people left, waving to Sam, which he acknowledged, still fumbling with his keys.
The bar lights turned off and the barman came out to his own car, called "Night Sam!, see you Friday!" and drove away.
Sam stood unsteadily, waving til the guy was out of sight.

Only one car left in the park now, and Sam finally got the door open, and fell into his seat.

The cops turned on their disco lights, and drove into the park, stopping the patrol car right in front of Sam.
As they exited, breatho tester in hand "Ok Buddy... this is a preliminary breath test, you are obliged to blow into the tube, one long breath until I say stop"
Sam took a deep breath, and blew steadily .... "Ok, stop!" said the cop. They looked at the reading.
ZERO!
"Grab the other tester" said one cop to the other, "This one seems faulty?" They breath tested Sam again.
Identical ZERO reading.
"I'm afraid you will have to come back to the station, because our testers seem to be faulty?"
"Ok" said Sam, "I will just lock my car"
As they were about to drive Sam to the station,one asked him "What's your name?" 
"Sam Brown" he replied.
"And what do you do for a living, Sam?"
"Arr!" he said "Just a bit of casual work, 3 nights a week at the pub back there"
"And just what exactly do you do?"
Sam leaned back, smiled, and said "I'm a professional decoy!" :hatwave  :butt
« Last Edit: November 27, 2015, 12:01:40 AM by Kev Murphy »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #4 on: November 27, 2015, 04:43:27 AM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #5 on: November 27, 2015, 05:00:41 AM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #6 on: November 27, 2015, 10:56:54 AM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #7 on: November 27, 2015, 03:14:01 PM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #8 on: November 27, 2015, 03:25:00 PM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9 on: November 28, 2015, 12:28:05 PM »
A Black man says Im Proud to be Black!
 
An Asian says Im Proud to be Asian!
 
A White man says Im Proud to be White!
 
...at which the other two instantly berate him for making Racist comments ????
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10 on: November 28, 2015, 12:37:55 PM »
After an arty farty Labor Party meeting called by Billy Short'un, Parliament House in Canberra has been re-named ...  Mal Function Junction

« Last Edit: November 28, 2015, 03:07:37 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11 on: November 28, 2015, 02:43:30 PM »
As a kid, I used to love Bonnerdime stories



You know the ones?, they all start the same way.....




Wunza Bonnerdime, there was a .. (witch/fairy/goblin/dragon/magic land/ .....)
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12 on: November 29, 2015, 03:43:03 PM »
I was amazed at the luck a friend of mine has in picking up women. Then one night at a club, I found out his secret.

Seems he keeps his eye on his 'choice of the moment', and waits until she looks him in the eye.

Then he casually licks his eyebrows....
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Online Brock

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13 on: November 29, 2015, 05:32:29 PM »
 :|||| :||||
Brock
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Offline STeveo

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14 on: November 29, 2015, 05:56:29 PM »
Skite!!!!!
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15 on: November 30, 2015, 07:41:29 AM »
Seaworld would like all visitors to take note.

2.30 PM has been widely advertised as  " Swim With, and Hand Feed the Dolphins "

Our sincere apologies and condolences to the families of the Irish tourists who erroneously leapt into the Shark Tank at feeding time.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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Online alans1100

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17 on: November 30, 2015, 01:55:52 PM »
We used to watch that show on TV.......
1999 :bl11  2004 :13Candy

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Online Shiney

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18 on: November 30, 2015, 05:15:15 PM »
:rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup

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Offline Philbo

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #19 on: November 30, 2015, 06:17:44 PM »
A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexahedronical ball
and the square of it's weight
times his pecker, plus eight
is his phone number.  Give him a call.
Ermagard
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #20 on: December 01, 2015, 04:56:36 PM »
European Bike Stealing Championships 2015
In Europe, a pushbike is stolen every five minutes. So the people at We Love Cycling set up the first European bike stealing championships. Bait bikes were set up in three cities: Rome, of course the home of the bicycle thief, Prague, where 7 out of 8 bikes are never recovered, thanks to an extensive network of second hand bike shops, and Amsterdam, because Dutch bikes are in demand all over Europe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yTFiP_co0U
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #21 on: December 01, 2015, 06:07:56 PM »
That was awesome, thanks for sharing :thumbs

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #22 on: December 02, 2015, 02:06:44 PM »
Just a little tale from a couple years ago...

Teen Hero here in town thinks he is bulletproof. .. Rides a distinctive yellow and black mountain bike. "Only a wuss needs a helmet!" (His words to one cop)

Got pinched 3 times within a half hour by 3 different cops in four city blocks, for no helmet and riding on the footpath. They confiscated his bike for two weeks.

A few days after getting his bike back, I witnessed from my kitchen window the same hero riding past on his bike, (naturally, on the footpath)... had a hoodie pulled over his head, but the distinct blue colouring and square shape of an ICECREAM BUCKET was still visible under the hoodie ...

Seems almost fate that he was followed into the supermarket car park by a cruiser which was approaching from the other direction.

Outcome unknown, but have not seen him or the bike since.

« Last Edit: December 02, 2015, 02:36:51 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Offline Biggles

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #23 on: December 02, 2015, 03:15:38 PM »
Have you got a GPS tag on him, that you know this amount of detail?    :eek
For the modern man who lives in the city, riding a bike might be one of the only ways to escape the humdrum monotony. To take off and ride. To be both at one with nature and one with the bike. To feel masculine. Adam Piggott

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24 on: December 02, 2015, 03:22:17 PM »
Have you got a GPS tag on him, that you know this amount of detail?    :eek

I was heading south to a friends place to drop off a battery charger when I first saw him pulled up, then saw him again on the return trip a few minutes later at the second stop, and when I came out of the supermarket a short time later he was being grilled on the footpath near my bike.
As I live directly behind the supermarket, and he lives somewhere west from there, he was a common passer-by to my home.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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