Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 3284817 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33275 on: June 23, 2021, 02:16:07 AM »
One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'
 
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply  couldn't let such a comment go  unrewarded.The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
 
'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put Talcum Powder in my underwear?'
 
She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder;  it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33276 on: June 23, 2021, 02:16:42 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33277 on: June 23, 2021, 02:28:37 AM »
Global Facts ...


At Any Given Moment:

79,000,000 people are engaged in intercourse right now.

58,000,000 are kissing.

37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

1 lonely bugger is reading e-mails, and browsing the internet.


Hang in there, Sunshine!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33278 on: June 23, 2021, 02:29:42 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33279 on: June 23, 2021, 02:32:39 AM »
Baby's First Doctor Visit.

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
Waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby,
Checked his weight, and being a little concerned,
Asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight.
You don't have any milk.'

'I know', she said, 'I'm his Grandma, But I'm sure glad I came!!'
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33280 on: June 23, 2021, 02:33:40 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33281 on: June 23, 2021, 02:44:00 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33282 on: June 23, 2021, 04:48:28 AM »
At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar.

At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've a tried to treata her nice, spenda the money on her, but best is that I tooka her to Italy for our 25th anniversary!"

The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary."

Luigi proudly replied, "I'm agonna go back and bringa her home again."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33283 on: June 23, 2021, 04:49:56 AM »
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mum, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33284 on: June 23, 2021, 04:51:50 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33285 on: June 23, 2021, 04:52:36 AM »
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.

The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents..'
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33286 on: June 23, 2021, 05:01:43 AM »
One positive benefit of Covid.

There are fewer phone scam callers ...
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33287 on: June 23, 2021, 05:30:16 AM »
A woman was trying hard to get the Tomato Sauce out of the bottle.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
'Mummy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33288 on: June 23, 2021, 05:56:59 AM »
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33289 on: June 23, 2021, 06:52:52 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33290 on: June 23, 2021, 07:27:03 AM »
From this mornings news.

3% of Australians are now fully vaccinated.


Whoop   -   de   -   do.


Comes NOWHERE NEAR what the Gubbermint promised?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33291 on: June 23, 2021, 07:38:02 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33292 on: June 23, 2021, 07:39:32 AM »
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my Canine partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33293 on: June 23, 2021, 07:40:29 AM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33294 on: June 23, 2021, 09:22:56 AM »
Hmmm, seems to be cat o'clock again?

I wonder if there is any way to reset these alarms?

You could always do what I'm threatening to do to our cat...  :whistle |-i



        2005 Honda ST1300A
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33295 on: June 23, 2021, 09:50:28 AM »
 :rofl
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33296 on: June 23, 2021, 09:53:58 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33297 on: June 23, 2021, 09:55:05 AM »
While working for an organisation that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.

One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33298 on: June 23, 2021, 10:44:27 AM »
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33299 on: June 23, 2021, 10:47:01 AM »
A truck driver is cruising along when he spots a little yellow man standing in the middle of the road, crying. He brings the truck to a standstill, rolls down the window, and asks the little yellow man what's wrong.

"I'm yellow, I'm from Venus, I'm gay and I'm hungry," sobs the little man.

"Well," says the trucker, "I can offer you a cheese sandwich, but that's as much as I can do."  So he passes a sandwich to the little yellow man and drives off.

A bit later he has to stop again, because there's a little red man in the middle of the road, crying. So he comes to a halt, rolls down the window and a bit more impatiently - asks the little red man what the matter is.

"I'm red, I'm from Mars, I'm gay and I'm thirsty," the little man bawls.

So the trucker says, "I can offer you a can of Coke, but that's as much as can do."  He hands a can of Coke down to the little red man and drives off.

A little further on, the trucker spots a little blue man in the middle of the road. Really annoyed now, he stops, rolls down the window and snaps, "Yes, you little blue poof, what planet are you from, and what the f#?K do you want?"

And the little blue man answers, "Driver's licence and registration papers, please...".
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