Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5861061 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7801 on:** June 14, 2018, 01:26:48 PM »

Just received a penalty notice warning me that my vehicle registration will be cancelled, unless I pay an overdue fine of $440 for an unspecified traffic infringement incurred in NSW during March this year.
Apart from the fact that I have not been outside of Portland Vic since before Christmas last year, I have no current vehicle registration. Fake email ID claims to be from Sydney Police. Beware of this one.

I created a fake temporary email adress and basically told the scammer to 'Bring it on!'
They replied within a minute, stating that an arrest warrant would be issued.

Bodø Glimt · « **Reply #7802 on:** June 14, 2018, 01:39:34 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on June 14, 2018, 11:37:31 AM

If he hailed the bus I would have stopped, but he didn't so I drove on by.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7803 on:** June 14, 2018, 01:56:39 PM »

Brock · « **Reply #7804 on:** June 14, 2018, 05:46:22 PM »

Tell em that you are already negotiating with the FBI and IRS..

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7805 on:** June 14, 2018, 05:53:26 PM »

Brock · « **Reply #7806 on:** June 14, 2018, 05:56:38 PM »

The current pay out is 2 itunes vouchers, and a woolies instore cash card for $25.00

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7807 on:** June 14, 2018, 06:00:27 PM »

Maybe I could use the $1000 Woolies voucher I 'won' a couple of weeks ago, ... and go out and commit another driving felony with the credit?

Brock · « **Reply #7808 on:** June 14, 2018, 07:48:43 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7809 on:** June 15, 2018, 09:00:25 AM »

(except the Nigerian scammers)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7810 on:** June 15, 2018, 09:08:26 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7811 on:** June 15, 2018, 01:48:33 PM »

Most of us can relate to this....

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7812 on:** June 16, 2018, 02:19:55 AM »

Another 'Blast from the Past'

While living on the Gold Coast many years ago I had a call from a client one weekend, who reported that he had a problem
with his 'Gonkulator'
Intrigued, I hopped into my work vehicle and drove to his home.
I was ushered inside to the kitchen, where the cupboard below the sink was open, exposing the garbage disposal unit.

Apparently, 'Gonkulator' was a verbal rendition of the noise emitted when a small spoon had slipped past the strainer and into the muncher device.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7813 on:** June 16, 2018, 01:55:29 PM »

2 pm, and it has reached 8 degrees here. Global Warming? Bloody ridiculous!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7814 on:** June 16, 2018, 02:28:59 PM »

2.30pm and it has now dropped below 8 degrees. Foolball game across the road... unsure who are the biggest retards, the guys onfield, or the brain dead spectators who are abusing the umpire while sitting in the rain in the back of their ute.

Maybe those spectators aren't so stupid? ... they finally erected a tarp over their heads.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7815 on:** June 16, 2018, 08:41:56 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7816 on:** June 16, 2018, 09:36:07 PM »

These were results for an Ozwords comp where entrants were asked to take an Australian word, alter it by only one letter, and supply a new and witty definition.

billabonk to make passionate love beside a waterhole.
bludgie a partner who doesn't work but is kept as a pet.
dodgeridoo a fake indigenous artefact.
mateshit all your flat mate's belongings lying strewn around the floor.
a slicky a day you take off after you convince the boss that you are ill.
barramondi the sickie taken after Sunday, for the purpose of fishing.
fair drinkum good quality Aussie beer.
klangaroo the sound a roo makes when it hits your bull bar.
flatypus a cat which has been run over by a vehicle.
yabble the unintelligible language of Australian freshwater crustaceans.
carlton drift the wayward walk home from the pub
bushwanker a pretentious drongo who reckons he's above average when it comes to handling himself in the scrub.
shornbag a sheila with a brazillian wax.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7817 on:** June 16, 2018, 10:26:15 PM »

Who drinks light beer in the outback?

A friend of mine sent this to me: A workmate bought a LIGHT beer in
Meekatharra (WA) - about 650km North-East of Perth.

Below is the receipt he received...
this is of course why we all drink FULL STRENGTH beer.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7818 on:** June 16, 2018, 10:34:20 PM »

Remarkable!... it is actually warmer now at 10.30 pm, than it was 8 hours ago in the middle of the day, (but only by .8 degrees)

Maybe someone left their car engine idling on the street?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7819 on:** June 17, 2018, 01:26:12 PM »

That text would look great on the back of my jacket?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7820 on:** June 17, 2018, 10:39:56 PM »

Children:

You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.

Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7821 on:** June 17, 2018, 10:40:36 PM »

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7822 on:** June 17, 2018, 10:43:39 PM »

One who always smiles in a crisis has already found someone else to blame.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7823 on:** June 17, 2018, 10:45:53 PM »

I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me.

After all, I'm a Scorpio and she's a total bitch.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7824 on:** June 18, 2018, 06:28:05 PM »

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born, and the day you find out why.

:Mark Twain

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5861061 times)

Bodø Glimt