Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5863140 times)

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #35575 on:** August 19, 2021, 02:16:49 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on August 19, 2021, 01:55:10 PM

Some clown just rang trying to sell me smart phone apps. He asked for the make and model of my phone.

When I told him, he hung up.

My mobile is 23 years old.

Nearly as old as you, Kev!

Wild Rose · « **Reply #35576 on:** August 19, 2021, 02:21:45 PM »

Quote from: ruSTynutz on August 19, 2021, 02:16:49 PM

Quote from: Kev Murphy on August 19, 2021, 01:55:10 PM
Some clown just rang trying to sell me smart phone apps. He asked for the make and model of my phone.

When I told him, he hung up.

My mobile is 23 years old.

Nearly as old as you, Kev!

I think Kev wished that he is 23 years old and know what he does now

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35577 on:** August 19, 2021, 02:25:06 PM »

I AM 23 years old...

- plus 50 years sales tax, postage, and packaging!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35578 on:** August 19, 2021, 02:53:23 PM »

Another local whale(s) sighting today.

Date & Time    18/08/2021 1:30pm
Location    McCombes Lane, Narrawong
Type of Whale    Southern Right Whale
Comments    Cow and calf

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35579 on:** August 19, 2021, 03:24:18 PM »

What a dog I got.

His favourite bone is in my arm!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35580 on:** August 19, 2021, 03:25:06 PM »

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35581 on:** August 19, 2021, 03:26:29 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35582 on:** August 19, 2021, 03:40:38 PM »

Pot head gets really high on some good stuff, and goes home
Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes

Damn!, I better hide somewhere before my pops finds out that I got high again!!

Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the living room...

Opens the living room door and sees his dad sitting there and reading a newspaper.

my bad pops, sorry.. *shuts the door*

Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the kitchen!

He rushes to the kitchen, opens the door and sees the same thing, his father is sitting there and reading a newspaper.

Uhm... sorry pops... *shuts the door *

Crikey! he is fast.... Then I am going to hide on the balcony!!

Rushes to the balcony, opens the door and the same thing... dad sitting there with the newspaper... but before he gets to apologize his pops goes

"Son, you open the bathroom door one more time, I am gonna come out and beat the crap out of you!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35583 on:** August 19, 2021, 04:50:01 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35584 on:** August 19, 2021, 04:51:40 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35585 on:** August 19, 2021, 04:52:08 PM »

I had a butcher come into my shop and introduced me to his wife...
He said, "Meet Patty".

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35586 on:** August 19, 2021, 04:52:35 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35587 on:** August 19, 2021, 04:55:21 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35588 on:** August 19, 2021, 04:59:30 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35589 on:** August 19, 2021, 05:00:43 PM »

A gynecologist waits his last patient who does not arrive
After an hour, he decides to take a gin and tonic to relax.
He settles in an armchair to read the newspaper, when the doorbell rings.

It’s the patient who arrives all embarrassed and apologizes for the delay.

“It doesn't matter.” Answers the doctor

“Look, I was taking a gin and tonic while waiting. Do you want one too to relax?”

“I accept, thanks!” She answers.

He give her a drink, sits down in front of her and they start talking. Suddenly someone opening the entrance office door is heard.

The doctor gets scared, gets up and says:

“My wife! Quick, take off your clothes and spread your legs, otherwise she might think nonsense!”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35590 on:** August 19, 2021, 05:34:24 PM »

Tennis players annoy me. The grunters take away my interest of the game.

If only they could play without the racket.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35591 on:** August 19, 2021, 05:35:52 PM »

If there is 1.6 km in a mile...

...does that mean there are 1.6 kilopebbles in a milestone?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35592 on:** August 19, 2021, 06:11:07 PM »

SHITE! Almost 700 new virus cases in NSW today!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35593 on:** August 19, 2021, 07:01:03 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35594 on:** August 19, 2021, 07:01:34 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35595 on:** August 19, 2021, 07:04:36 PM »

A bus full of housewives went to a picnic but fell into a river and everyone on board dies.

All the husbands cried for almost a week, but one guy was still crying three weeks later.

One of them consoles him and asked," Do you miss your wife that much?"

He replied, "No, my wife missed the bus!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35596 on:** August 19, 2021, 07:05:22 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35597 on:** August 19, 2021, 07:16:02 PM »

The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry Murphy, but I can't diagnose your trouble,
... I think it might be caused by alcohol."

"Don't worry about it Dr. Kelly, I'll come back when you're sober."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35598 on:** August 19, 2021, 07:25:15 PM »

The new king was an animal lover. So much so that he issued an edict that there would be no hunting of any animals while he was king.
People had mixed feelings, but the king was so good to them that they obeyed his command. That is, until the kingdom was overrun with animals of all types...

The people gathered and talked and decided this couldn't go on. The king wouldn't change his mind, so the people chose to overthrow the king....

It was the only time in history that the reign was called on account of the game....

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #35599 on:** August 19, 2021, 08:46:13 PM »

Hilary Clinton is planning to reduce teen pregnancies and prevent STDs, by forcing Bill to wear condoms!

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5863140 times)