Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5862682 times)

Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36225 on: September 04, 2021, 05:19:43 AM »
5.15 am Saturday. 9 degrees, feels like 5, had 7mm of rain overnight from the south east.
Much more rain north and east of Portland.



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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36226 on: September 04, 2021, 05:32:12 AM »
I'm 73, and I feel like a 25-year-old,

but unfortunately there's never one around.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36227 on: September 04, 2021, 06:03:48 AM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36228 on: September 04, 2021, 11:19:19 AM »
Gladys Berejiklian Takes Over The World

 :clap
https://youtu.be/wLTGXblgUoc

  2005 Honda ST1300A
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36229 on: September 04, 2021, 12:11:49 PM »
Chuck Norris puts the fist, in pacifist.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36230 on: September 04, 2021, 12:16:24 PM »
A divorced lady in her early 40's, out for a walk in the countryside, stumbles over an oddly shaped bottle. Picking it up and rubbing it lightly to see what it is, there’s a puff of smoke and a pixie appears from the bottle neck.

"Wow, that’s a relief,” says the pixie, “I’ve been in there ages. Your legs look tired. How about I give those muscles a rub?”

I don’t think so, she says, "How about giving me my youthful looks back again.”

The little man shakes his head, "Sorry, I can't do that. But sit on that rock over there and I can work wonders on those calves.”

She declines. "How about making me slimmer, with some curves in the right places?"

"Sorry, no can do." he replies, "But how about a relaxing shoulder rub?"

“How about finding me a caring, thoughtful, handsome man, then?”

"I can’t do that either, but my back rubs are just delightful,” he offers.

Annoyed she gives him a glare, "What is it with you? I ask 3 wishes, you can't grant any. What kind of a genie are you?"

"Hey, who said I'm a genie?" says the little man, "I'm a massage in a bottle."
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36231 on: September 04, 2021, 12:42:45 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36232 on: September 04, 2021, 12:52:53 PM »
You know when the mustard bottle farts when you're squeezing it to get mustard out?

I guess that's mustard gas.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36233 on: September 04, 2021, 12:56:46 PM »
I went to an expensive restaurant last night, and I got a meal, and a bottle of champagne for free.

They do it for everyone who jumps out the toilet window, and runs off without paying.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36234 on: September 04, 2021, 02:31:43 PM »
Was talking to my friend last week, asked how his wife was doing and he said to me he doesn't know.
She went to the shop for a bottle of milk 2 days ago, and hasn't come back.
I asked him how he was coping?
He said "I've been using powdered milk, its bloody horrible!"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36235 on: September 04, 2021, 04:35:15 PM »
Harley owners have discovered how to make their bikes go faster.

When you crest a hill, throw it into neutral and turn the engine off.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36236 on: September 04, 2021, 05:13:59 PM »
They also save fuel that way and do less damage to the ozone layer. :wink: :wink: :wink:

Harley owners have discovered how to make their bikes go faster.

When you crest a hill, throw it into neutral and turn the engine off.
I'm not strange i'm just not normal {Salvador Dahli}
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36237 on: September 04, 2021, 05:20:21 PM »
Russia started a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies.

Nyet flix.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36238 on: September 04, 2021, 06:47:33 PM »
Short showers started again an hour ago, had around 1mm since 5.45pm.
6.8mm since 9am. Reached 14 today, now 9 degree at 6.45 pm
« Last Edit: September 04, 2021, 06:53:38 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36239 on: September 04, 2021, 07:48:44 PM »
Zero to 70mph in .037 seconds....

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36240 on: September 04, 2021, 09:04:50 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36241 on: September 04, 2021, 09:22:21 PM »
Why do triangular cut sandwiches taste better than square cut ones?

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36242 on: September 04, 2021, 09:30:26 PM »
How much should you spend on a bottle of wine ?

I don't know...maybe 15 minutes?
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36243 on: September 04, 2021, 09:48:36 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36244 on: September 04, 2021, 11:37:51 PM »
With the sixth lockdown looming, I saw a man purchase 3 crates of San Miguel, 2 bottles of tequila, 6 bags of paella and a sombrero.


I think hispanic buying.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36245 on: September 05, 2021, 12:11:38 AM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36246 on: September 05, 2021, 12:23:45 AM »
"The Daily Post wishes to apologise for a misprint in last Saturday's edition which described Major-General Sir John Simpkin as a 'bottle-scarred veteran' "

"This should of course have read 'battle-scared' ".
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36247 on: September 05, 2021, 04:27:14 AM »
You can spend all day thinking of names for manoeuvrable armoured warships...

.. but at some point you have to say ‘frigate’, and move on.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36248 on: September 05, 2021, 04:33:08 AM »
A wife-hater is attending the burial of his wife, who has just died.

A passer-by asked, 'Who is it who rests in peace here?'

He answers, 'Me, now that I'm rid of her!'"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #36249 on: September 05, 2021, 04:40:38 AM »
[At the therapist]

Man: "Doc, I think I have overcome my weird fear that I’m being constantly chased by alcohol bottles."

Doctor: "That’s the spirit!"

Man: "Holy crap! Where?"
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