Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5587211 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10125 on:** December 21, 2018, 04:03:21 AM »

Golf:

A game where you yell 'fore', take six strokes, and write five on the scorecard.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10126 on:** December 21, 2018, 09:26:37 AM »

Smart has all the answers, ...
... but Stupid has the most interesting questions.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10127 on:** December 21, 2018, 09:39:33 AM »

How to remain indognito.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10128 on:** December 21, 2018, 11:34:59 AM »

One of my friends has a stutter and a lot of people think that's a bad thing, but to me that's just like starting certain words with a drum roll.

That's not an impediment, that's suspense! What's he going to say? Car?? Carnation?? or Carnival?? Maybe Carnivore??

... But as he is currently talking about his vehicle, my money is on Carburetor.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10129 on:** December 21, 2018, 01:06:24 PM »

Both my Doctor and my Chemist have a twisted sense of humour.

I asked the Doc about Viagra, he passed me a script.

I went to the Chemist, and he exchanged the script for a paper bag.

When I got home I discovered that the bag contained two popsicle sticks, and a roll of duct tape.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10130 on:** December 21, 2018, 01:57:03 PM »

"Hi honey... car won't start ... I think it's flooded... "

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10131 on:** December 21, 2018, 02:06:09 PM »

Why did the chickens ... ?...Ah? ... forget it, doesn't matter.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10132 on:** December 21, 2018, 03:33:53 PM »

The colours of the Australian flag is a symbol of our taxes.

We see red when the Govt talks about increasing them, go white when we get our tax bill, and feel blue after paying them.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10133 on:** December 21, 2018, 04:48:42 PM »

Just received an email from a friend in Townsville.

"Buy an aircon, they said. Put it in your room, they said"
"I thought an aircon was meant to keep my room cool, but I got an aircon in my room and it’s still hot?" 🥵

Paula

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10134 on:** December 21, 2018, 08:05:23 PM »

The only difference between a lawyer and a duck, is that occasionally a duck will stick its bill up its ass.

Bodø · « **Reply #10135 on:** December 22, 2018, 10:59:26 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10136 on:** December 22, 2018, 11:08:23 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10137 on:** December 22, 2018, 01:38:53 PM »

The original Ponzi scheme. (where you use the money of new investors, to pay off the older investors)

... or as the Govt calls it, 'Social Security'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10138 on:** December 22, 2018, 04:04:33 PM »

Trumps favourite card game seems to be 'Poker'

Follower closely by 'Forget her'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10139 on:** December 22, 2018, 06:20:27 PM »

A math professor was administering the final exam to his students.

He handed out all the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in.
The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class period, the professor handed the tests and results back.
That particular student got back his test, and $62 change.

Brock · « **Reply #10140 on:** December 22, 2018, 07:41:06 PM »

Bodo,

I am not sure if I should

or

Bodø · « **Reply #10141 on:** December 22, 2018, 07:48:37 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10142 on:** December 22, 2018, 07:58:47 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10143 on:** December 22, 2018, 08:19:19 PM »

A guy was looking for a Chrissy present for his young daughter.

He was looking at Barbie Dolls... $19.95 for this one, $19.95 for that one ...
... And then there was a NEW Barbie, called 'Divorced Barbie', advertised as $185.95!
He asked the salesman "Why is the Divorced Barbie so expensive?"
The salesman replied "Because she comes complete with Kens House, Kens car, Kens boat...."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10144 on:** December 23, 2018, 04:27:03 AM »

(Larry The Cable Guy):

I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin.

And I'm like, "Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!"

STeveo · « **Reply #10145 on:** December 23, 2018, 06:46:47 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10146 on:** December 23, 2018, 02:34:36 PM »

Idiot telemarketer called a few minutes ago. ('Overseas' displayed)

It's SUNDAY, fool!

All he got for his trouble was a recording of a crow. He hung up after 10 'caws'.

Flip · « **Reply #10147 on:** December 23, 2018, 02:44:41 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on December 23, 2018, 02:34:36 PM

Idiot telemarketer called a few minutes ago. ('Overseas' displayed)

It's SUNDAY, fool!

All he got for his trouble was a recording of a crow. He hung up after 10 'caws'.

VERY WELL DONE !!!

Flip

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10148 on:** December 23, 2018, 02:52:19 PM »

I guess this explains the odd smile?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10149 on:** December 23, 2018, 03:06:46 PM »

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5587211 times)

Bodø

Bodø