Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5822263 times)

Shillas · « **Reply #14575 on:** October 17, 2019, 06:12:17 AM »

I keep asking what LGBTQ stands for.

But I never get a straight answer.

Bodø · « **Reply #14576 on:** October 17, 2019, 09:06:05 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14577 on:** October 17, 2019, 09:26:53 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14578 on:** October 17, 2019, 09:41:59 AM »

Freezedy cold day here today, gusty 70 kph winds causing a wind chill of just below zero at 10.30 am.
Has been 18 mm of rain in the past 24 hours to 9am. No rain in past 3 hours.
A good day to lay in bed and have cat cuddles.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14579 on:** October 17, 2019, 10:38:28 AM »

Had to spend some time in the MRI for a full body scan on Tuesday.
A really pretty young nurse positioned me for the scan, and told me to relax , as it would take awhile.
I nodded off.
When scan had completed, an older nurse was assisting me back onto my feet and I asked "Just how long was I asleep??"

NTRebel · « **Reply #14580 on:** October 17, 2019, 10:55:42 AM »

So what they told you you haven't got a body.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14581 on:** October 17, 2019, 02:09:56 PM »

I have always been a loner, (Don't got nobody)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14582 on:** October 17, 2019, 02:20:51 PM »

President Trump and Queen Elizabeth are having a discussion about politics.

Trump asks the Queen, "Could the United States become a Kingdom, like yours?"

And the Queen responds, "No, a Kingdom is ruled by a King. I'm sorry but you are no King."

This upsets Trump, but he thinks it over a bit before asking "What about a Principality? Maybe the US could do that."

"Sorry, but you would need to be a Prince to have a Principality. And you're not a Prince." Replies the Queen.

"Okay," says Trump, "an Empire. The US will be the greatest Empire in History!"

The Queen sighs and says, "Donald, I'm sorry that you're not getting this. An Empire needs an Emperor, which you certainly are not.
After meeting you, I think it's perfectly clear that while you are in charge, the United States will remain a Country."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14583 on:** October 17, 2019, 02:28:30 PM »

My friend said, “I really need to go home and feed my baby cats.”

Me: "That’s not a very nutritional diet for your baby?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14584 on:** October 17, 2019, 03:20:43 PM »

Rats are like cigarettes ... totally harmless until you put one in your mouth and ignite it.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14585 on:** October 17, 2019, 03:22:01 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14586 on:** October 17, 2019, 03:24:42 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14587 on:** October 17, 2019, 03:31:55 PM »

I walked into the pet shop this morning and said to the cashier, "I bought two hamsters from you yesterday, but when I woke up this morning, they were both dead!"

She frowned and replied, "I warned you about the hot weather. Did you give them plenty of water like I suggested?"

"Yep, I filled their tank right to the top."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14588 on:** October 17, 2019, 03:33:53 PM »

This morning, I drove my daughters canary all the way to the Vet.

My golf stroke is improving.

Bodø · « **Reply #14589 on:** October 17, 2019, 04:10:10 PM »

On a wing and a prayer.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14590 on:** October 17, 2019, 05:00:53 PM »

Clever response.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14591 on:** October 17, 2019, 10:04:54 PM »

I told my son that I found his hamster.

He was ecstatic.

Until I said it was in the vacuum cleaner.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14592 on:** October 17, 2019, 10:13:19 PM »

"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor and asked the woman who answered the door, "Is Fred home?"
"Sorry, Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the bill collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"
"No, sir. I'm afraid he has gone for cotton."
When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again,?"
"No, Fred died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and check the cemetery himself.
But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with the inscription, "Gone, But Not for Cotton.""

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14593 on:** October 17, 2019, 10:32:02 PM »

Apparently sharks can grow up to 30 feet.

Good thing they live in the ocean, can you imagine the cost of shoes?

Bodø · « **Reply #14594 on:** October 18, 2019, 03:34:15 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on October 17, 2019, 10:04:54 PM

I told my son that I found his hamster.
He was ecstatic.
Until I said it was in the vacuum cleaner.

These things suck.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14595 on:** October 18, 2019, 04:51:22 AM »

Hey Bodø ... speaking of suck, as I was leaving Melbourne via northern suburbs on Wednesday afternoon, I couldn't help but notice the company name emblazoned across the local buses there.

-Dysons

Have been in business almost as long as I have lived. Has spread to cover a huge service area now.

Bodø · « **Reply #14596 on:** October 18, 2019, 05:00:49 AM »

I saw a lot of Dysons on my 2017 trip as well. The ones I see most around your area is Coles. Plenty of Coles here too, but nothing to do with buses.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14597 on:** October 18, 2019, 05:03:04 AM »

Jehovah’s Witness don’t celebrate Halloween.

I guess they don’t appreciate random people knocking on their door?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14598 on:** October 18, 2019, 09:23:06 AM »

I wonder where my sausage went?

Brock · « **Reply #14599 on:** October 18, 2019, 09:40:20 AM »

By the size of the foot print, its a pug.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5822263 times)

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