Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 3182971 times)

Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16750 on: February 22, 2020, 03:08:20 PM »
You might actually get removed from the queue and taken outside.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16751 on: February 22, 2020, 03:16:45 PM »
 :rofl
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16752 on: February 22, 2020, 03:23:39 PM »
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16753 on: February 22, 2020, 03:51:37 PM »
You guys should have come to the Lonsdale mealroom this afternoon.  Many a coronavirus joke were told.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16754 on: February 22, 2020, 05:27:45 PM »
In a job interview...

"Name?"

"JJoon Sttutuartt"

"Again please?"

"JJoon Sttutuartt"

"Sir, are you a stutterer?"

"No, my father stuttered, and the civil servant who recorded my name on my birth certificate was an asshole"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16755 on: February 22, 2020, 05:34:49 PM »
Trump farted, and quickly looked for someone else to blame.

He shouted at his Chief of Staff, "Stop that this instant!"

"Of course, Sir," he replied. "Which way did it go?"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16756 on: February 23, 2020, 09:13:33 AM »
Australia has developed a new missile.

It's called the civil servant

 - it doesn't work and it can't be fired.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16757 on: February 23, 2020, 11:02:11 AM »
If, according to Kanye West, one good girl is worth a thousand bitches, and if, according to Lil' Wayne, bitches come a dime a dozen.
 ... that means one good girl is worth $8.33.

...  no Wonder 50 cent can't afford a good girl, he is $7.83 cents short!
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16758 on: February 23, 2020, 12:42:54 PM »
If I was given a coin for every time I didn't understand what's going on around me,

I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these coins?"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16759 on: February 23, 2020, 02:13:57 PM »
The circus was in town and was taking applications from the local townspeople for wildly unique acts.
The interviewer was at the end of a long fruitless day of these local no-talents, when the last applicant, Jack, stepped up to the table.

“Ok”, said the interviewer, “What’s your special talent?”

“I do bird imitations!”, replied Jack.

The interviewer sighed and shook his head. “I guess that about wraps it up!”, he said. “Listen, son, bird imitations are a dime a dozen!! No thanks.”

And with that, Jack gave a defiant “Fine!! ... Your loss!”, turned, and flew out the window.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16760 on: February 23, 2020, 04:55:52 PM »
A Muslim groom asks the Imam how much they owe him for the ceremony
The Imam explains that there's no fixed scale, but he can always make a donation based on, for example, the beauty of the bride.
The groom looks awkwardly around him, then gives the Imam fifty cents.
The Imam walks to the bride and lifts up her veil.

After a moment he then returns to the man and hands him forty cents change.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16761 on: February 23, 2020, 06:27:03 PM »
An Israeli company developed a new advanced ABS braking system.

Allows any vehicle equipped with it to not only stop on a dime, but to pick it up as well.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16762 on: February 23, 2020, 06:35:33 PM »
One day a young man, confused and directionless in life, was walking in a park.

He sees a well-dressed and well-to-do old man sitting on a bench, feeding the birds and enjoying the scenery.
He walks up to him and says, "Sir, you seem to have done well for yourself in life, do you mind telling me how you made your lot?"

The old man says, "Sure, have a seat, sonny. I remember I was just about your age, without a dollar to my name. But one day, I was walking in a park just like this, and I found 10 cents on the ground. I grabbed it and bought an apple with it. I sat down and polished that apple for the whole day. The next day, I sold it for 20 cents.

The next day, I bought two apples. I polished those apples for the entire day, even harder than the day before. The next day, I sold them for a 20 cents each.

The day after that, I bought four apples, and I polished them for the entire day.

The next day, my uncle died and left me a million dollars and a huge estate.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16763 on: February 23, 2020, 07:48:40 PM »
I told my friend "Last night there was a car collision in my parking lot.
After that, the drunk guy that hit the car gave me $800, and drove away".

My friend asked me "Is that enough to fix it?"

I said "I don't care, it wasn't my car. I was just walking through the car park to get to the bus stop."
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16764 on: February 23, 2020, 11:08:35 PM »
A heavily inebriated man is out with his wife.
Finally they call it a day and make their way home. Driving on a major road, the car swerves dangerously,
 frequently crossing lanes at a frightening speed, and narrowly avoiding causing countless collisions.
Eventually they are pulled over by the cops.

With the window lowered, the man attempts to justify his actions.

"Goodd evvening... offficer..." he slurs. "As you can see, I've had rather a lot to drink."

The cop is fuming. "Sir. That is not a valid excuse to allow your wife to drive!"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16765 on: February 23, 2020, 11:36:06 PM »
My best buddy who I grew up with, will celebrate his 18th birthday this Friday.
He said he may drop in and visit me on his birthday. (He has been driving interstate trucks since we both left the Army in late 1980)
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16766 on: February 24, 2020, 04:00:39 AM »
Not everyone will get that, but let's just say he is undercutting his age by 75%.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16767 on: February 24, 2020, 06:33:24 AM »
A roman general reports to Emperor Tiberius
General: "Ave Ceasar! I have news about the guy who called himself the son of God...what was his name again?... Juses? Jeusus?"

Tiberius: "Jesus..."

General: "Nailed it.."
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16768 on: February 24, 2020, 07:28:18 AM »
My best buddy who I grew up with, will celebrate his 18th birthday this Friday.
He said he may drop in and visit me on his birthday. (He has been driving interstate trucks since we both left the Army in late 1980)

18 year old
Oh ! I get it Kev Leap year ++
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16769 on: February 24, 2020, 09:06:56 AM »
A certain private school in Melbourne recently was faced with a unique problem...

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror, leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man....

She explained that all these lip prints were causing major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Problem solved.
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Offline Wild Rose

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16770 on: February 24, 2020, 10:10:32 AM »
A certain private school in Melbourne recently was faced with a unique problem...

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror, leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man....

She explained that all these lip prints were causing major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Problem solved.

I like it, another good one Kev keep them coming, I might pinch this one too
 :clap :clap :clap :thumbsup :thumbsup :thumbsup
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FarRider #243
 
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16771 on: February 24, 2020, 10:49:18 AM »
That story is old as, and you have posted it with a different school.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16772 on: February 24, 2020, 10:55:58 AM »
Meh! I'm as old as, too!
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16773 on: February 24, 2020, 10:58:43 AM »
I also went to a different school ...  :grin
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16774 on: February 24, 2020, 11:37:12 AM »
During a medical examination, the Doctor asked: "What's your zodiac sign?"

Patient: "Cancer"

Doctor: "What a coincidence!"
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