Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 3318775 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17175 on: March 17, 2020, 08:12:46 PM »
Toyota are horrified that car sales have plummeted in the past month or so...
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17176 on: March 17, 2020, 10:02:57 PM »
Jesus doesn't like manicures.

He's not getting nailed again!

Nothing worse than getting hammered for Easter.
« Last Edit: March 17, 2020, 10:05:58 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17177 on: March 17, 2020, 10:05:23 PM »
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together.......
After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair and instructs the barber how to cut the boy's hair.


"I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."


When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."


"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, "Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17178 on: March 17, 2020, 11:29:47 PM »
A little girl was walking on a frozen lake when she saw a wolf who had fallen in a hole in the ice and was drowning.
The girl, having a pure heart, runs to it, kneels down, plunges her arms in the icy water, grabs the wolf's tail at the very last moment, and pulls, pulls, pulls until she manages to bring the poor animal back on the ice shelf.


At that moment, the wolf changes into a prince. The girl becomes ecstatic : "Woooow you're sooo beautiful !!!"

And the prince replies : "Thank you sweetheart, but would you be kind enough and let go now ?"
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Offline ruSTynutz

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17179 on: March 17, 2020, 11:51:08 PM »
Mobility scooter had a flat tyre near my place.

Wouldn't happen to me...my mobility scooter has run flat tyres!  :grin


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Offline Brock

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17180 on: March 17, 2020, 11:55:45 PM »
Quote
my mobility scooter has run flat tyres

I would run em at maybe 5 PSI if going off road, but I dont think running em flat is good for long life...

 :beer :popcorn :popcorn
Brock
Asian Correspondent
2003 Honda ST1100PY



Ulysses #32829
STOC #8239
OzSToc # ??
Kinross WA
 
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Offline ruSTynutz

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17181 on: March 18, 2020, 12:01:11 AM »
They'll actually solid tyres, Brock! :thumb
No way to put any air in whatsoever... :grin


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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17182 on: March 18, 2020, 01:55:45 AM »
So, the “Wolf of Wall Street” movie has the f-word used 569 times, making it almost 3 times per minute.

That record was broken by my neighbour yesterday afternoon, while he was trying to assemble an ikea tv stand.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17183 on: March 18, 2020, 02:11:53 AM »
A dying grandma tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse, and 24 million dollars."

The grandchild, was absolutely floored, and said, "Oh grandma, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?"

With her last breath, Grandma whispered, "Facebook games ..."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17184 on: March 18, 2020, 02:14:29 AM »
The Prague Skydiving club couldn't afford proper equipment, and their Czechs bounced....
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17185 on: March 18, 2020, 02:37:47 AM »
Can I sell kayak equipment if my dog peed on it?

or in other words ... Can I peddle a paddle if it's in a puddle of poodle piddle?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17186 on: March 18, 2020, 04:07:30 AM »
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17187 on: March 18, 2020, 06:30:37 AM »
Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he might use twice a year while getting drunk.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17188 on: March 18, 2020, 10:42:07 AM »
A customer in a pet shop asked “Have you got any kittens going cheap?”

“No, sir,” replied the owner. “All our kittens go “Meow.”
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17189 on: March 18, 2020, 10:48:36 AM »
Went to the Gym this morning, tried out this new machine.

Lost 12 kg in less than two minutes!

Surgeon said he can re-attach my leg later this afternoon.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17190 on: March 18, 2020, 10:54:13 AM »
When Sean Connery bought himself a little kitten, (which promptly crapped on the carpet,) he declared :-

"The cat shat on the mat!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17191 on: March 18, 2020, 10:57:14 AM »
Sean Connery always attends Wimbledon during the season, at the same time each day.


"Tennish"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17192 on: March 18, 2020, 04:49:37 PM »
The funny thing about teen pregnancy, is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it!
You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!"
Then after it happens, they say "We're disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It’s not the end of the world."


Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17193 on: March 18, 2020, 06:15:11 PM »
I turned down an offer of a free BBQ dinner last night.


Big missed steak.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17194 on: March 18, 2020, 06:17:17 PM »
I don't want to go the raw prawn with you but don't knock back free sushi if you get offered it.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17195 on: March 18, 2020, 06:29:51 PM »
Have only ever tried sushi once, didn't like it.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17196 on: March 18, 2020, 06:32:39 PM »
My secretary called this morning and said she cant work anymore because she lost her eye.
After assuring her that was understandable, I asked her to send me her resignation in writing for HR purposes.


"Dear Smon,

The past year has been terrfc, but t's wth sncere regret to nform you today wll be my last day wth the organsaton ... "
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17197 on: March 18, 2020, 06:33:49 PM »
Have only ever tried sushi once, didn't like it.

Real sushi or that clayton's sushi that Aussies like to call sushi?
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17198 on: March 18, 2020, 06:39:33 PM »
Real sushi from Kisumé restaurant in Melbourne, but it caused me to throw up.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17199 on: March 18, 2020, 06:43:19 PM »
I cannot eat sashimi either.
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