Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3182369 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18375 on:** May 15, 2020, 09:53:47 AM »

I hate singers that sing in unison.

But I wouldn't harmony of them.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18376 on:** May 15, 2020, 10:04:21 AM »

A Rapper went to a vocal coach.

The coach asked him "Can you sing very high?"

He replied "I can't sing if I'm not."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18377 on:** May 15, 2020, 10:11:37 AM »

Did you know that an adult male lion can accelerate from a standing start, to 65 KPH in .03 seconds?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18378 on:** May 15, 2020, 01:09:13 PM »

This contactless social distancing has really affected some people.
Saw a guy today at Maccas drive thru on a skateboard get a burger, and pay by tap and go.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18379 on:** May 15, 2020, 04:13:54 PM »

An atheist, a vegan, and a CrossFit coach walked into a bar.

I know, because they told me.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18380 on:** May 15, 2020, 04:17:08 PM »

An upset parent walks up to the coach of a local minor league's football team, "Excuse me sir, but don't you think 'The Browns' is a racist name to have for the team?"

The coach replied, "What? No, the name is simply because the uniforms are brown.
In fact, to avoid any signs of racism with the name, we don't allow any brown people on the team."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18381 on:** May 15, 2020, 06:48:16 PM »

A woman, her baby and a man are sitting in a train.
The woman is trying to breast feed her baby, but the baby keeps turning away.

Woman: Come on, drink the milk. Drink the milk or I will give it to this man instead.

The man casts her a surprised glance but stays quiet.

Woman: Take the breast. Come on, you don't want for this nice man to drink your milk, do you?
I will give it to him if you keep refusing.

This goes on for awhile, with the woman trying to get her baby to take the breast and the man not saying anything.
Eventually the man gets frustrated and shouts:

"Make up your mind already, I already missed my stop three stations ago!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18382 on:** May 15, 2020, 07:01:36 PM »

My ex said: "I am overweight!"

I replied: "You're not fat!
Come on chin up! ... Both of them!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18383 on:** May 16, 2020, 12:08:01 AM »

People treat me like a god.

They ignore my existence, until they need something.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18384 on:** May 16, 2020, 12:24:07 AM »

Over the top, much?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18385 on:** May 16, 2020, 07:54:22 AM »

Can't get much closer to freezing.

Saturday 7.45 am
Portland   2.6°C
Feels Like   1.3°C
Relative Humidity 77%
Wind N 24km/h   falling
Wind Gust 35km/h

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #18386 on:** May 16, 2020, 09:57:46 AM »

Can't give you temps for here as my weather station has crapped itself...

I can report it's a beautiful sunny morning though...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18387 on:** May 16, 2020, 10:16:44 AM »

I braved the chill and skipped out to pick up and fit my new screen, the old one had cracked, and was scratched to hell and gone.

Temp here now has soared to 10 degrees.

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #18388 on:** May 16, 2020, 10:18:17 AM »

Looks good, Kev!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18389 on:** May 16, 2020, 11:30:24 AM »

Temp has snuck up to 13 degrees... almost enough to tempt me to walk away from the heater, and ride to my friends house to have a hot cuppa with them...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18390 on:** May 16, 2020, 11:34:32 AM »

Him: "My wife died yesterday."

Friend of him: "Oh my god! That's tragic, I am so sorry! How did that happen?!"

Him: "She was cooking and needed potatoes, so she went to the pantry in the basement to get some, but she fell down the stairs."

Friend of him: "Wow!!! And what did you do after that?"

Him: "I made noodles instead."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18391 on:** May 16, 2020, 11:45:12 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18392 on:** May 16, 2020, 11:52:59 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18393 on:** May 16, 2020, 11:56:19 AM »

Origin of portable power tools

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18394 on:** May 16, 2020, 11:57:46 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18395 on:** May 16, 2020, 11:59:28 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18396 on:** May 16, 2020, 12:00:36 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18397 on:** May 16, 2020, 01:22:36 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18398 on:** May 16, 2020, 01:24:57 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #18399 on:** May 16, 2020, 01:31:07 PM »

I'm having one of those off days

For example, this morning, I made a bowl of cereal, but instead of putting the milk back in the fridge,
and the cereal back in the pantry, I went for a ride instead.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3182369 times)