Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 4158670 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29525 on: April 18, 2021, 11:18:40 PM »
...Can't ... find ... my ... KEYS!!!

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29526 on: April 18, 2021, 11:29:09 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29527 on: April 18, 2021, 11:46:26 PM »
If you run at 10 PM you are a night person.

If you run at 6 AM you are a morning person.

If you run at 2 AM you are deemed highly suspicious.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29528 on: April 19, 2021, 01:08:05 AM »
Three dinosaurs stumble across a magic lamp.
They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.

Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.

"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"

Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.

The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.

"I've got it!" he cries, "I want a MEATIER shower!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29529 on: April 19, 2021, 01:11:16 AM »
I was almost arrested for pretending I was a politician!

I was just sitting there, doing nothing.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29530 on: April 19, 2021, 01:13:50 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29531 on: April 19, 2021, 01:14:45 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29532 on: April 19, 2021, 04:03:17 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29533 on: April 19, 2021, 04:03:44 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29534 on: April 19, 2021, 04:14:00 AM »
Playing a guitar, and running a marathon are so similar.

I can’t do either.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29535 on: April 19, 2021, 04:24:34 AM »
Three kids are outdoing each other bragging about their fathers....

First kid says: My dad is the fastest. He’s a drag racer, and can do a quarter mile in 5.6 seconds

Second kid says: That’s nothing! My dad is a fighter pilot, and regularly breaks the speed of sound.

Third kid says: My dad is heaps faster than both your dads. He’s a Council Worker.
He finishes work at 4 o’clock, but is always home by half past two.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29536 on: April 19, 2021, 04:26:05 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29537 on: April 19, 2021, 04:29:26 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29538 on: April 19, 2021, 04:36:46 AM »
We are 11 days into self-isolation, ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
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Online Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29539 on: April 19, 2021, 09:32:18 AM »
A m‌‌other w‌‌as w‌‌alking d‌‌own t‌‌he h‌‌all w‌‌hen s‌‌he h‌‌eard a‌‌ h‌‌umming s‌‌ound c‌‌oming f‌‌rom h‌‌er d‌‌aughters b‌‌edroom. W‌‌hen s‌‌he o‌‌pened t‌‌he d‌‌oor s‌‌he f‌‌ound h‌‌er d‌‌aughter n‌‌aked o‌‌n t‌‌he b‌‌ed w‌‌ith a‌‌ v‌‌ibrator.
What a‌‌re y‌‌ou d‌‌oing?", s‌‌he e‌‌xclaimed.

The d‌‌aughter r‌‌eplied, "‌‌I'm 3‌‌5 a‌‌nd s‌‌till l‌‌iving a‌‌t h‌‌ome w‌‌ith m‌‌y p‌‌arents a‌‌nd t‌‌his i‌‌s t‌‌he c‌‌losest I‌‌'ll e‌‌ver g‌‌et t‌‌o a‌‌ h‌‌usband."

Later t‌‌hat w‌‌eek t‌‌he f‌‌ather w‌‌as i‌‌n t‌‌he k‌‌itchen a‌‌nd h‌‌eard a‌‌ h‌‌umming s‌‌ound c‌‌oming f‌‌rom t‌‌he b‌‌asement. W‌‌hen h‌‌e w‌‌ent d‌‌ownstairs, h‌‌e f‌‌ound h‌‌is d‌‌aughter n‌‌aked o‌‌n t‌‌he s‌‌ofa w‌‌ith h‌‌er v‌‌ibrator.

"What a‌‌re y‌‌ou d‌‌oing?", h‌‌e e‌‌xclaimed.

The d‌‌aughter r‌‌eplied, "‌‌I'm 3‌‌5 a‌‌nd s‌‌till l‌‌iving a‌‌t h‌‌ome w‌‌ith m‌‌y p‌‌arents a‌‌nd t‌‌his i‌‌s t‌‌he c‌‌losest I‌‌'ll e‌‌ver g‌‌et t‌‌o a‌‌ h‌‌usband."

A c‌‌ouple o‌‌f d‌‌ays l‌‌ater t‌‌he m‌‌other h‌‌eard t‌‌he h‌‌umming s‌‌ound a‌‌gain, t‌‌his t‌‌ime i‌‌n t‌‌he l‌‌iving r‌‌oom.
I‌‌n t‌‌here, s‌‌he f‌‌ound h‌‌er h‌‌usband w‌‌atching t‌‌he S‌‌uper B‌‌owl o‌‌n t‌‌elevision w‌‌ith t‌‌he v‌‌ibrator b‌‌uzzing a‌‌way b‌‌eside h‌‌im.

"What a‌‌re y‌‌ou d‌‌oing?", s‌‌he e‌‌xclaimed.

"Watching t‌‌he g‌‌ame w‌‌ith m‌‌y s‌‌on-in-law", he r‌‌eplied.
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Online Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29540 on: April 19, 2021, 09:33:48 AM »
It was Halloween and these two guys had a run in with some ghosties and ghoulies.

The lucky one was grabbed by the ghosties.
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Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29541 on: April 19, 2021, 09:37:59 AM »
Grandma was annoyed. "Another toilet paper run. Hoarders fighting in the store.
I’ve finally had enough. I’ve been buying dryer sheets..." she said.

"My butt now smells like lavender, and there’s no more static electricity,...

And my old butt, for the first time in many years, is now wrinkle free!"
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Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29542 on: April 19, 2021, 09:40:33 AM »
Thanks to COVID-19, 2020 was the first year I've not been able to run a Marathon owing to lockdown.

Every other year it's been because I'm overweight, can't run, and am too lazy to even try.
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Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29543 on: April 19, 2021, 09:43:03 AM »
The worst combination of illnesses would have to be Alzheimer and diarrhea.

You’re running, but can’t remember where.
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Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29544 on: April 19, 2021, 09:45:10 AM »
When Germans  run out of beer, do they wine?
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Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29545 on: April 19, 2021, 10:22:16 AM »
Tik Tok is mostly just millions of users imitating each other.

They should rename the app to Kpy Kat.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29546 on: April 19, 2021, 10:24:51 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29547 on: April 19, 2021, 10:26:20 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29548 on: April 19, 2021, 10:30:11 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29549 on: April 19, 2021, 10:32:37 AM »
A young boy on his way home from school must pass by a group of streetwalkers
Every day as he passes them, they wave at him with their pinkies and say, "Hi there, little boyyy". One day the boy stops and asks one of them why they always wave at him with their pinkies. She replies, "Well... that's what size we imagine your penis to be. It's just a joke!"

The next day on his way home, the hookers repeat their tradition. The young boy stops and swings his satchel back, sticks his fingers in his mouth and stretches it as big as he could, and shouted, "Hellooo...ladiesss!"
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