Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5581005 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8475 on:** July 27, 2018, 08:29:54 PM »

You’re really sucked up.
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I ate you.
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You’re a stupid grass mole.

(Never argue by text with autocorrect activated)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8476 on:** July 27, 2018, 08:33:35 PM »

I am still confused as to why a bra is singular and panties are plural?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8477 on:** July 27, 2018, 08:35:30 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8478 on:** July 27, 2018, 09:36:12 PM »

The person who thought it was a great idea to put the light switch outside of the bathroom clearly didn’t have any children.

OR siblings.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8479 on:** July 27, 2018, 09:41:03 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8480 on:** July 27, 2018, 10:55:31 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8481 on:** July 28, 2018, 12:25:53 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8482 on:** July 28, 2018, 12:40:06 AM »

A friend asked me "Whats the difference between ironic humour and moronic humour?"

I replied ... "Funny that you should ask that."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8483 on:** July 28, 2018, 12:44:24 AM »

My wife left me early today.

At first I was sad, lonely and didn’t know what to do with myself.

So I went and bought a motorbike, then threw a wild, loud party after lunch, and got to meet some other women.

I don't think my wife will be too pleased when she gets home from work tonight.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8484 on:** July 28, 2018, 12:50:35 AM »

The wife and I were having a quiet drink in a club, when she pointed to a drunk at the bar.

She said "Fifteen years ago, that guy asked me to marry him, but I turned him down."

I replied "After all those years, who would have thought that he would still be celebrating?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8485 on:** July 28, 2018, 02:41:20 AM »

Riding a sports bike and sticking to the speed limit, is like going to Maccas and just having a salad.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8486 on:** July 28, 2018, 02:44:43 AM »

She: "I made cookies for you. It is by way of an apology, because I crashed your car."
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He: "YOU DID WHAT?!"
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She: "Cookies. I made cookies for you."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8487 on:** July 28, 2018, 02:51:31 AM »

A Vegemite jar has about 9200 calories.

But who cares, I dont eat the jar anyway.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8488 on:** July 28, 2018, 02:55:46 AM »

Web site log in: "Sorry, your password 257EeffQ@#JHC_ts_419 is not secure enough."

ATM login 1234: "Here’s your 1000 dollars."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8489 on:** July 28, 2018, 02:58:57 AM »

I wish I could go to Canada again.”

“Wow, you’ve been to Canada?”

“No, but I wished it before.”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8490 on:** July 28, 2018, 04:25:09 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8491 on:** July 28, 2018, 04:26:57 AM »

I just like to sleep naked. The air-hostess could have been a bit more understanding?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8492 on:** July 28, 2018, 04:52:12 AM »

....That's not how it works?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8493 on:** July 28, 2018, 08:39:14 AM »

Are you two twins?

No? Why do you ask?

Because mommy dressed you both in the same clothes.

OK. that’s enough of that crap, you are now required to submit to a roadside breath test.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8494 on:** July 28, 2018, 10:03:53 AM »

"My friend ran off with my wife last Sunday!"

"Oh NO!... How long have you been friends?"

"Since last Sunday!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8495 on:** July 28, 2018, 10:06:13 AM »

“What's the name of your new dog?”

“I don’t know. He won’t tell me.”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8496 on:** July 29, 2018, 05:04:49 AM »

Was invited out on a fishing trip with my neighbour yesterday. We had the boat in the water at 9.30 am, and were back home again a bit after 5pm.
Great day, sunny with very light wind, and around 15 degrees. Came home with 18 squid between us (legal limit is 10 each)
Calamari on the menu for awhile.

Finished washing the boat down and had it back in the shed around 5.30.
Started raining before 7 pm, and have had 18 mm to 5am, still coming down. Now it's as windy as a horse on a diet of baked beans.
Picked our time well.

Shillas · « **Reply #8497 on:** July 29, 2018, 07:29:12 AM »

How many ways to cook squid can you find?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8498 on:** July 29, 2018, 10:11:51 AM »

10am, 9 degrees. Cold wet and windy here still.

Bodø · « **Reply #8499 on:** July 29, 2018, 10:19:00 AM »

It was wet and windy here in the early hours of the morning.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5581005 times)

Bodø